Helen Mirren: Dame, Queen, Video Gamer?

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A list of places I regularly imagine running into Helen Mirren: at the bar at the Four Seasons Hotel drinking a dirty martini; during high tea at the Palace Hotel eating a scone; while drinking a glass of champagne at Barney’s (RIP) looking at leather handbags. OK, so maybe it’s just a lot of eating and drinking in fancy places, whatever.

Somewhere I never imagine running into Helen Mirren; a Sony PlayStation event for the new video game Death Stranding. And yet, there she was, our queen many times over, rubbing elbows with the gamer crowd. As much as I love to imagine Mirren with a headset on yelling something like, “Don’t get your nickers in a twist, ya slag!” at a faceless teen boy on the other end, she was not there because of her secret gaming habit.

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It turns out her stepson Alex composed the music for the new game. We love a parent who supports their children’s interest in the arts! Now, when can we expect a Catherine the Great video game to hit the shelves? [Page Six]


Madonna is acting like, well, Madonna again. The singer, currently on her Madam X tour, is being accused by fans of hitting the stage as much as two hours late. Presumably in an attempt to stave off criticism, she’s done what any savvy businesswoman might do, and made her tardiness the new normal by moving the start time back from 8:30pm to 10:30pm.

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This has upset some fans who don’t like to be kept waiting. A Florida man, who purchased tickets to her December 17th show in Miami Beach, is suing the artist and Live Nation, claiming loss of funds after the times were changed.

In response, Madge took a page out of Queen Regina Clarisse Renaldi’s (Julie Andrews in The Princess Diaries) book and simply said, “Here’s something you all need to understand ... and that is, that the queen is never late.”

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Regardless of the outcome, I think we can all agree the headline “Florida Man Sues Madonna” is one of the most 2019 things to happen this year. [Page Six]


  • Ronnie pleads not guilty to domestic violence. [Page Six]
  • Omarion allegedly not really coming through with the child support checks. [Bossip]
  • Dream Kardashian’s birthday pics probably got more likes than you ever will. [People]

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About the author

Garrett Schlichte

Garrett is a freelance writer living in San Francisco. Please clap.