Illustration for article titled Hedge Fund Bros Allegedly Had Fuck, Marry, Kill List of Woman Co-Workers, Including Chelsea Clinton
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A lawsuit filed against Manhattan hedge fund Advent Capital claims that male employees openly ranked female employees by a “Fuck, Marry, Kill” system, proving once again that “Kill” is the only suitable category for hedge fund bros.

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Former Advent Capital employee Courtney Robb says in her lawsuit that she was fired from the multibillion-dollar hedge fund after complaining about the fact that her male bosses had a running “Fuck, Marry, Kill” list. She also says that they moved her from the “marry” to the “kill” category after she complained about the toxic, sexist environment, which included the constant use of the words “bitch” and “cunt” on the trading floor, to the company’s CEO, the appropriate place to report such incidents due to lack of a human resources department.

“A mere five minutes” after complaining, according to Robb’s suit, she says she was called into the office of Terry Maitland, the fund’s founder and chief investment officer, who allegedly minimized her complaints by labeling them “locker-room talk.” According to the suit, he then responded to Robb’s suggestion the company prioritize female leadership with a statement that could also double as a sexual harassment training handbook example of statements that are illegal in the workplace:

“What do you want me to do?,” Maitland allegedly told Robb. “Hire more women? They just end up leaving to take care of kids!”

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Then, as if worried such sexism hadn’t hit enough Horrible Wall Street Man cliches, a portfolio manager who reported directly to Maitland “allegedly told other men at Advent that Ms. Robb was such an uptight bitch that she already was at ‘wife’ status,” according to the New York Post. Get it? Because women turn into bitches as soon as they become wives, har har.

The cruel workplace commentary also, apparently, extended to Chelsea Clinton, whose foundation was housed in the same office building and whom Advent Capital employees frequently saw in the building’s lobby: “‘On her best day, Chelsea Clinton is a three,’ proclaimed the same portfolio manager who called her an uptight bitch, the suit said.”

.Eventually, Robb and two other women in the office began wearing headphones to drown out the cacophony of male voices calling out unsolicited opinions on women’s bodies, but the suit alleges that Maitland also soon put the kibosh on that as well, even though male employees were still allowed to wear them.

In a statement to the Post, Advent claimed that it offers a diverse workplace and the lawsuit is not an accurate reflection of what it’s like to work there:

“‘While Advent cannot comment on pending litigation, we believe that the complaint does not fairly or accurately recount the facts of this matter,’ an Advent spokesperson said in a statement to The Post. “Advent Capital Management, LLC is a minority-owned firm which takes seriously its commitment to diversity and inclusion in the workplace,’ the firm’s spokesperson said in the statement, referring to Maitland, who is one of the very few African-American hedge fund managers running his own firm.”

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And while it may be true that the hedge fund bros sought to include the women in the office by ranking them on a list that ran the gamut from “fuckable” to “murderable,” it’s probably not the sort of inclusion that most of us are looking for in a workplace environment.

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