Since humans first discovered that decomposing yeast cells have the ability to make grain taste like heaven, the question has existed: Am I sexually attracted to that man or is he just good at baking? The correct answer being, of course, yes. Men who can bake are men I want to bone.
But if an already hot man, like, say James McAvoy, learns how to bake, does that make the man more appealing, lots more appealing, or the same amount of appealing?
Apart from raising money for the Stand Up to Cancer organization, this year’s edition of The Great Celebrity Bake Off: Stand Up to Cancer, also introduced an incredibly jacked pastry chef name James McAvoy to the tent, alongside some other famous Brits I’ve never heard of, where he proceeded to win the Bake Off whilst repeating “It feels a bit wet” in his charming accent. This happened enough times for me to become suspicious of his motives for popping up all hot and Scottish and good at baking, right in the middle of what is a late pandemic sex drought for most of us.
This appearance does lead one (me) to wonder if I have always been this attracted to Mr. Tumnus and had forgotten, or if I’m just attracted to His Dark Materials-themed cakes. Let’s take a stroll through Getty, shall we?
Okay, yes, it’s all coming back to me.
Right, now I absolutely remember that I wanted to bone this person throughout the entirety of the Obama administration. It’s just that so many things have happened in the years since that I forgot.
But now that he’s literally stroking pastry and baking snow leopard cakes with a certain daddy-ish luster to his hair color, this level of thirst-generation seems a little like cheating, both at the competition and at life. Revoke the star baker title and hang up that hot apron, James because while this is a lovely thing to do for (or I guess against) cancer, it is deeply shitty to do to a world that is collectively sex-deprived and newly interested in baking.