Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s art gallery prison of a home is Architectural Digest’s latest cover story fascination. (The publication calls their house a “minimalist masterpiece,” and the perfect “metamorphosis of the house from suburban McMansion to futuristic Belgian monastery,” borrowing a phrase from West himself.) The article goes into detail about Kanye’s interior design obsession, the “wabi-sabi aesthetics” of his collaborator, designer Axel Vervoordt, and the couple’s belief that the cold, icy layout is actually good for children. (How? “The kids ride their scooters down the hallways,” West explains. “And jump around on top of the low Axel tables, which they use as a kind of stage.” All of that sounds dangerous.) At no point, however, is the most important inquiry addressed: Has anyone gotten their period here, especially on that original Jean Royère Polar Bear sofa? If someone reading this has, you must email the Jezebel team. What happened to you?

Having an all-white home means Kimye must have an army-sized cleaning crew constantly hovering over their every move in every room, but what about that time of the month? Or in the event one of their kid spills a liquid that stains? What then? Is there a warehouse somewhere full of stained-sofas somewhere? Is their expensive furniture constantly replaced?

If you cause a stain on their home, are you kicked out of Kim and Kanye’s life forever?

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