Image: Getty

Jonathan Cheban, whose personality is best described as “friend to Kim Kardashian” and “likes food,” spoke to Page Six about the upcoming holidays, what he wants for Christmas, what lesser items he will gift his loved ones and, of course, food. He’s the Foodgod, after all.

After communicating with an unnamed “hypebeast kid,” Cheban decided he wants to see an exclusive Goyard pink tote under his tree: “I’ve been on the hunt for this pink Goyard from Japan that is impossible to find,” he explained. “So I’m hoping somebody will find it for me and give it to me as a gift. They only made it for, like, one season, it was only available in Japan. That’s the exclusive one to get... I’ve searched everywhere for this pink and they’re like, ‘Nah, that’s impossible, nobody has it, but we got yellow or green. But I don’t want yellow or green, I want pink. And they’re like, ‘You’re never going to find it.’ So, of course, I want the pink Goyard.”

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Of course. Then he goes on to say that even though he hopes a friend surprises him with this extremely rare and expensive glorified reusable grocery bag, (ahem... Kimye, you listening?) he’s going to give everyone a gift card. Not just any gift card, but one with his mug on it. You can’t make this shit up:

“Sometimes gift cards are real fun. This year I’m giving everyone gift cards to BurgerIM, which I’m the face of. It’s a big burger chain. It’s going to be kind of fun because my face is going to be on the gift cards.”

And just when you thought we were done, Cheban shared his favorite place to dine for the holidays: Filomena in Washington, DC, apparently only because “It’s impossible to get in” and they “decorate the whole restaurant for Christmas.” Something tells me he can find a spot like that in Los Angeles or New York City or wherever else that did not fire a bunch of staff “as a result of Healthcare reform” under Obama, but I digress. Happy Holidays!