Handy Website Helps You Cheat On Your Jobless Husband!

Illustration for article titled Handy Website Helps You Cheat On Your Jobless Husband!

Ladies, have you ever wished there was an adultery website just for you? For infidelity with a woman's touch, try DiscreetAdultery.com!

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According to a wtf-laden press release, the site is partnered with more famous cheating site Ashley Madison — but tailored to "offer services specifically for married women users." Explains Rudy Bojorquez, president of DiscreetAdultery's sinisterly named parent company Optimized Marketing Solutions, "Women, particularly married women, tend to be very cautious. However, once they decide they want to have an affair, the only thing holding them back are concerns over the quality of men, and concerns about getting caught." I'm pretty sure lots of people "decide to have an affair" because they met someone they want to fuck, rather than the other way around — but for those cautious wives who do put the cart before the horse, so to speak, DiscreetAdultery has special lady-centric "that improve security and matching based on anonymous ratings of men by other women." But can I access it on my Alessi Tab?

Boronquez is bullish on the site's future, for the most depressing reason possible: "We expect even greater growth over the holidays, when women typically re-evaluate their relationships. In the current economic climate, we expect a record number of women to look for an affair." That's right, guys — you got laid off from your job and can't buy her the diamond earrings she wanted for Christmas, so she's going to go online and find someone else to bone. Maybe you should join Ashley Madison! Of course, a look at DiscreetAdultery itself doesn't make e-cheating seem that enticing. Its splashscreen includes a variety of poorly proofread testimonials ("I used Discreet Adultery to gind a good hot guy"), but the real star is this one:

I was fed up with my husband ignoring me. I was so lonely, and there was nobody I could talk to about it. I met a really hot married guy on Discreet Adultery and now we're both having a lot more fun, and I'm not crying myself to sleep any more.

"I'm not crying myself to sleep any more": a marketing slogan for the ages.

Improving The Ashley Madison Experience For Women [Benzinga]
DiscreetAdultery [Official Site]

DISCUSSION

drunkexpatwriter
DrunkExPatWriter

Ok. I do freelance work for a similar company and can provide some basic information about what's going on.

1. When you become an Ashley Madison affiliate like this company has you get commissions every time someone visits your site and then signs up for Ashley Madison. But, the commission is MUCH higher if it's a woman who signs up than if it's a man. That's probably why they are targeting the female demographic so hard.

2. A lot of the women who use Ashley Madison are looking for other women. What's happened is that when they were dating their future husband was thrilled that they were bi. But, once they got married suddenly he felt threatened by it and thought her desires would magically disappear. Guess what? They don't.

3. A lot of men on Ashley Madison are looking for men for similar reasons.

4. Some people are going to cheat. If they are going to cheat it's really a lot better and safer to use a site like this than to pick up a random dude in a bar, because you'll have time to plan things and be a lot more discreet than if you just do a random drunken hook up.

5. But, Ashley Madison isn't only used for cheating. It's also used by a lot of people to set up threesomes. If you are a married person who tries to post an ad looking for a threesome on a normal dating site a lot of people blow off your ad as soon as they see the word "married."

6. It is also used for situations where for one reason or another one member of the marriage can not have sex (usually for medical reasons) and is fine with his or her partner doing other people. Again, on a normal dating site people will blow off you ad if you are honest and say you are married. On Ashley Madison you'll have a more understanding demographic and again, it's a lot safer than a bar pick up. I can remember the year I was on Paxil. I did not want to have sex at all or do anything beyond kissing. The Paxil made all of that seem gross. I wasn't married or partnered then, but if I was I certainly would have been cool with my partner having an affair, because it would have been grossly unfair not to, because the libido issue was my problem and people not on high doses of Paxil are humans with human needs.

7. Similar to number 7 but not quite: My long term partner and I have an open relationship particularly during the six months a year she's in Rome or New York. She used to try to use normal dating sites when she wanted to get laid. On those sites she'd try to be honest and say she was in a long term relationship. Often, dudes would then call her a "cheating slut" or worse. She's NEVER had that problem on Ashley Madison, because people there are not judging her for looking for a fling. (To be fair, she also uses Cougard.com and the young men there have also been non judgmental/gross.)

8. Ashley Madison is also used for couples into cuckolding who don't want to use standard cuckold sites for play dates. The reason being is that standard cuckold dating sites come with a lot of racist baggage that Ashley Madison doesn't.