Gwyneth Paltrow Stays Young By Hanging Upside Down in a Cocoon

By Lindy West  |  February 23, 2013 | 1:00am
CelebritiesDirt Bag

You know how sometimes I phrase headlines in an exaggerated, absurdist way to make them funnier? This isn’t one of those times. Gwyneth Paltrow literally has a cocoon. Apparently it’s a new style of yoga that’s been proven to cure richladyii boredeosis, wherein participants twist themselves up in a silk hammock several feet above the ground. And then…yoge. Goop loves it.

Speaking about her experience, 40-year-old Gwyneth wrote: ‘We spent an afternoon in Richard Holroyd’s intimate studio that houses four AntiGravity Hammocks – basically a hammock made of silk that you can lie, hang, stretch in and more.
‘At first, we just got used to being in the swing – part of what makes it so special is the sense of suspension.
‘Then Richard showed us several moves with the hammock. In comparison to other yoga classes, the moves felt constructive without feeling like a chore.’

Oh, people. People and their stuff. [DailyMail]

Clive Davis responds to being called a senile old bully by Kelly Clarkson:

“From the very beginning, I believed in Kelly and I still believe in her as an artist,” Davis said. “The important thing is, as an artist, I do want to make it clear that Clarkson is still growing…I’ve seen the growth in her and, despite our different memory recall issues, the bigger issue, as an artist, is she is growing and she will have a major career.”
Earlier in the week, Clarkson posted her dismay after hearing about Davis’ book.
“So I just heard Clive Davis is releasing a memoir and spreading false information about me and my music,” she posted on her WhoSay page. “I refuse to be bullied and I just have to to clear up his memory lapses and misinformation for myself and for my fans. It feels like a violation.”

‘Kay. [E!]

John Stamos is going to have a new show NBC! It’s a drama called I Am Victor, and it’s about a guy who is Victor.

It centers on Victor Port (Stamos), a high powered divorce attorney with a unique view of relationships. Quick, charming, disarming, brazen and direct, he unapologetically says what most people think, but dare not say, and the methods he uses on behalf of his clients are anything from jurisprudence and artful negotiation to manipulation and pure extortion.

I mainly posted this because I wanted the chance to say that John Stamos does NOT get enough credit for being freakishly handsome and eternally young. [Deadline]

  • Kim Kardashian went outside looking not-pregnant and wearing the worst peplum. [E!]
  • Sales of Hilary Mantel‘s book have soared since she called Kate Middleton a “machine-made,” “gloss-varnished” doll and everyone freaked out about it. [E!]
  • If Mia Wasikowska wears two “crazy” dresses in one day and neither of the dresses is actually crazy, then…wait, who is Mia Wasikowska again? [E!]
  • Here are some gifs of baby Bruno Mars being an Elvis-impersonating wunderkind. [E!]
  • Oooooooo! Jessica Chastain has a booooooyyyfraaaaane!!!!! [Us]
  • Danica Patrick opened up about dating her competitor, Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. She feels like the relationship is moving TOO FAST. GET IT? LIKE A RACECAR??? [People]
  • E! says that these are the 10 worst Oscar looks ever, but I don’t know. It’s just so boring to hate the swan dress, you know? Also I liked that weird Gwyneth goth nipple thing. [E!]
  • I see what you did there, Daily Mail. I see what you did there. [DailyMail]
  • “Four reasons why Megan Fox will make a great April O’Neil in ‘TMNT.'” Let me stop you there and leave. [EW]
  • Oh, it’s just a blind baby rhino and a French bulldog named Webster who are BEST FWIENDS. NO BIG. [Tumblr]

    •  
    Join the discussion...