Groupon Can Take Away Our Gun Deals, but They'll Never Take Away our Anal Waxing

Ladies, we must be vigilant. Groupon has recently announced they are canceling their gun deals. The inevitable question is what will they come for next? Our God-given right to the Brazilian bikini wax. Not on my watch, they won’t. Not on my watch.

Groupon, the popular deal-of-the-day website, which offers everything from gym memberships, to restaurant meals, to vacations, announced Monday night that they were putting their gun-related deals on hold, e-mailing reporters,

“All scheduled and current gun-related deals featured on Groupon North America, including shooting ranges, conceal-and-carry and clay shooting, have been placed on hiatus while we review internal standards that shape the deal inventory we feature…. The category is under review following recent consumer and merchant feedback.”

They didn’t explain why they are changing their policy, but it’s likely that the Sandy Hook shooting and the renewed gun debate is behind their decision.

And I came so close to springing for the Dynamic Firearms Training Groupon had e-mailed me about back in May (see screen shot above). In its typically poetic language, Groupon made the deal sound really appealing: “Shooting galleries improve focus, which is why the most seasoned marksmen can also levitate. Sharpen your skills with this Groupon.” Here’s more about the deal:

The NRA-certified instructors at each Dynamic Firearms Training location lead classes that educate students of all levels on the proper ways to safely handle firearms. The seasoned sharpshooters include former military and law-enforcement members. They teach firearm skills and differentiate between the calibers of classroom spitballs before sending shooters out to the range. Following instruction and practice, the most dedicated pupils can enroll in classes to become an NRA instructor. Dynamic Firearms Training also plays host to special events, including bachelor parties where grooms shoot their firearms one last time before they’re melted down and made into wedding rings.

Alas, I didn’t buy it, partly because, as a feminist, I was upset they didn’t offer bachelorette parties. So, this news doesn’t affect me. It does, however, affect Michael Cargill, of Austin, Texas, and the owner of Central Texas Gun Works, who was offering a Groupon deal for a very popular handgun course. “Enough is enough. I am not going to take it anymore,” said Cargill. He vows to honor the sales of those who already bought the deal and is offering the discount to anyone interested in signing up for his class. But that’s not all he’s doing. He’s organizing. “I’m asking everyone in the Second Amendment community to boycott Groupon,” said Cargill.

Now, I don’t identify as part of the Second Amendment community, per se, and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t let be in if I tried. But perhaps I should join this boycott too! Perhaps all ladies should.

To paraphrase the German Protestant pastor and Hitler critic Martin Niemöller,

First they came for the gun deals, and I did not speak out—
Because I did not have any.
Then they came for the Yoga classes, and I did not speak out—
Because I’m more of a Pilates person.
Then they came for the laser hair removal, and I did not speak out—
Because that shit is expensive and sounds painful.
Then they came for the Brazilian bikini waxes— and there was no one who would speak for Labia Majora and anal waxing because it’s kind of an awkward thing to talk about.

Groupon Halts Gun-Related Deals It Had Previously Vowed To Avoid [Slate]
Gun shop owner criticizes Groupon’s ban [KXAN News]
Gun Shop Owner Calls for Groupon Boycott After It Cancels His Deal [Daily Finance]