Gossip Girl was one of the deepest televised pleasures of the late 2000s, a scandalous and soapy chronicle of Upper East Side private high schoolers that depicted rich, snobby teens for the conniving, boozing, sexing, beautifully dressed assholes they were financially anointed to be. It debuted in 2007, and in retrospect we should have known a recession was coming, but times were simpler then; rather than gawking at the bleak escapades of a former Nickelodeon star proclaiming fentanyl to be her favorite high, as is our current televised epoch, viewers gawked at the extremely rude lifestyles of teenagers who could drop eight stacks on Chanel as an extracurricular activity. And now that we’re firmly entrenched in the age of the one percenter, I’m happy to inform you that some hero is bringing this delicious shit back for a new generation.
IndieWire reports that a rebooted Gossip Girl will debut on HBO Max, a new streaming subscription service that has yet to launch, “will follow a new generation of New York private school teens who rely on a new Gossip Girl blog,” and will “address how social media and the New York landscape has changed in the intervening years,” per IndieWire. So while it seems like won’t see Blake Lively (too famous) reprise her role as Serena van der Woodson or Leighton Meester (pivoted to country) come back as Blair Waldorf, it’s highly likely similar archetypes will return, depicting the privileged young people who’ve dumped their laptops for smartphones, subsist on green juice, pose incessantly for the ’gram, and most definitely have a stash of Alessandro Michele’s Gucci mixed with Supreme in their closet.
This is exciting news for the petty among us (me) who thrive on silly drama (also me), but most exciting is the concept of an updated Dan Humphrey, the sad-sack emo dude who lived in a warehouse with his aging grunge dad and wild-child sister and basically singlehandedly gentrified Brooklyn. Will the new Dan be a young DSA acolyte who sabotages the elite schemes of his cohorts with lunchtime protests and subverts his school’s social codes by showering only two times a week and recycling the same BROCKHAMPTON t-shirt on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Will they cast some actors of color and give them speaking roles this time? Will someone’s dad get arrested for a white-collar cybercrime?
If I knew, I’d never tell!