GOP Declares Trump ‘Did Not Commit an Insurrection,’ So I Guess That Settles It!

Every day we don’t have to hear about Rep. Matt “Let me show you videos of girls I’ve slept with” Gaetz (R-Fla.) is a day I cherish. Sadly, they are few and far between and did not include today.

On Tuesday, Gaetz, along with Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-N.Y.) and a few other House Republicans, held a press conference to introduce a resolution that declares former president Donald Trump “did not engage in insurrection or rebellion against the United States.” So I guess that’s that! Thanks guys! Glad we can finally put that to rest!

The one-page stunt bill, which has 63 Republican co-sponsors, comes as both Colorado and Maine ruled that Trump is disqualified from November’s presidential ballot due to his actions during the January 6, 2021, Capitol attack.

In December, Jezebel staff writer Kylie Cheung wrote of Colorado’s decision:

This week, the Colorado Supreme Court issued a very reasonable ruling that former President Trump should not be allowed on the state’s 2024 ballot, because he “engaged in an insurrection” in the days leading up to and during January 6, 2021. Very fair! The 14th Amendment explicitly bars that sort of thing. But in the hours since this Tuesday night decision, Republicans across the country have predictably been out for blood.

On Thursday, the Supreme Court will hear oral arguments in an appeal of the Colorado Supreme Court’s decision. Although, maybe not anymore since the House GOP officially declared it didn’t happen. (The decision in Maine is also under appeal. But, according to the New York Times, at least 35 more states are currently challenging Trump’s eligibility.)

“We are here today to authoritatively express that President Trump did not commit an insurrection, and we believe Congress has a unique role in making that declaration,” Gaetz said Tuesday. “It’s not the job of the states and especially not the job of some bureaucrats in Colorado to make this assessment and interfere with the right of voters to cast their vote for the candidate of their choice.”

“As President Donald Trump continues to dominate in the polls, extreme Democrats will stop at nothing in an attempt to prevent President Donald Trump from returning to the White House, and the Democrats are shredding the Constitution in the process,” Stefanik added.

The worst person in Congress, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.), also had to weigh in. But all her statement did was prove that she might not know what insurrection means, and she also might not understand what inauguration means. “When Joe Biden was inaugurated, and this entire Capitol complex was surrounded with 30,000 National Guard troops, none of you stood there and called that an insurrection,” she told reporters, in reference to the increased security at Biden’s 2021 inauguration after the January 6…insurrection. “Oh no. You all stayed silent.” OK?

Gaetz said he has no idea if House Speaker Mike Johnson will bring the resolution to the floor for a vote but he did mention that Trump was “thrilled” that so many people signed it. Trump was just ordered to pay E. Jean Carroll $83 million, so I’m sure anything that doesn’t cost money thrills him right now.

But good luck to the GOP with their little declaration, I guess. If this is how we’re doing things now then I Declare that Trump did engage in an insurrection. I also Declare that abortion is legal everywhere. And free! Hooray!