Welp, she made it. Tayshia Adams’ two-part season finale began on Monday night with fantasy suites and three final men: Ivan, Zac C. and Brendan. Ivan had the first date—an attempt at breaking the world record for “longest, coldest kiss” by holding a closed-mouth smooch while sitting in an ice bath. It appeared torturous, but eventually they learned to match one another’s breathing, calm down, and it became eerily romantic? I’ve been watching this show for too long. Anyway, Tayshia and Ivan were able to set the record, surpassing it by over a minute. Elsewhere, Brendan and Zac C. await the next date card; it goes to Zac. At night, Ivan tells Tayshia he’s feeling love for her, she says she’s “falling” for him. They spend the night together, alone, in a gorgeous Airstream caravan.
The following day, Zac and Tayshia roll around in paint and take an outdoor shower together to clean up. Zac tells Tayshia he loves her; she reciprocates. He also explains how she’s changed his mind about wanting kids; they spend the night together in an actual suite. Now that Ben’s gone, clearly this dude is going to win. It’s game over.
Next up: Brendan, my future husband. Their date involves looking at wedding bands together with engagement ring designer Neil Lane. Bachelorette producers are so sadistic: Brendan’s a divorcee who has expressed anxiety about proposing in the past, so, naturally, he gets uncomfortable. At night, it becomes clear he’s going to bounce. “When I came here, I thought I was ready, and I knew I was ready in my own mind. I even expressed that to you. But knowing you’re ready because you want something so bad... I want a wife and kids and a family more than anything on the face of the Earth, but coming to the realization that there’s still a big part of me that’s broken... there’s still a big part of me that needs time to heal,” he told Tayshia at the end of their date. “All I want is to give you my whole heart, but as I sit here today, my heart isn’t whole. It really breaks my heart, because you deserve a man who is complete. You deserve a man who is healed from his past and unfortunately, right now, I’m not that man.” He leaves; she cries. Brendan, hit me up.
Rachel Lindsay, the first Black Bachelorette, arrives on the scene to give Tayshia advice. Naturally, Tayshia details her dates and makes sure to mention Ben’s inability to express himself, foreshadowing his return to the resort. He tells her he loves her (too little too late, bud) and she’s, well, confused. Now Tayshia’s tasked with yet another decision: does she let Ben stay? Does she get married to this dude who just a week ago, couldn’t tell her how he felt? Is this just the producers’ way of drumming up drama to distract from the fact that Zac is totally going to win? All will be revealed Tuesday night, Bachelor Nation. Prime your wine glasses.