Good Job, Society—Kim Kardashian Now Feels the Need to Specify She Won't Be Allowing TV Cameras in Her Birth Canal

Oh, America. You crazy. Apparently this is what we’ve come to—Kim Kardashian‘s life/work/romance/pregnancy/dental work/fluids/droppings have become so thoroughly and painstakingly documented that she feels the need to announce that she won’t be allowing E! to shove a steadicam up her giner during childbirth.

Kardashian is just three months pregnant with her first child with boyfriend Kanye West, and while Ryan Seacrest did admit that viewers will see Kim’s pregnancy on the upcoming season of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” when the baby is due in July, cameras will be off.

“I’m going to keep that private,” Kardashian told MTV News of whether she will be filming the birth of her child.

…Now that Kim has decided to draw the curtain on some major moments coming up in her personal life, it also seems like she will be taking a step back from the spotlight as well.

“I’m hoping to take some time off,” Kim said. “And just focus on that and not really work as much for a little bit.”

If you are at all outraged about this, please get thee to the brain hospital posthaste because u r weird. [MTV]

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If you haven’t read Deadspin’s pants-pooper of an expose on Notre Dame star Manti Te’o‘s fake internet girlfriend, DROP EVERYTHING. Caught up? ‘Kay. Te’o is now saying that he got totally long-conned:

“This is incredibly embarrassing to talk about, but over an extended period of time, I developed an emotional relationship with a woman I met online. We maintained what I thought to be an authentic relationship by communicating frequently online and on the phone, and I grew to care deeply about her.

To realize that I was the victim of what was apparently someone’s sick joke and constant lies was, and is, painful and humiliating.

…In retrospect, I obviously should have been much more cautious. If anything good comes of this, I hope it is that others will be far more guarded when they engage with people online than I was.

Te’o doesn’t address the mountain of lies that he and his family told about his in-person meetings with his fictitious girlfriend. So. Whatever that means. But anyway, HE’S LAID LOTSA TIMES. YOU DON’T KNOW HER. SHE LIVES IN NIAGARA FALLS. [TMZ]

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I don’t understand this situation or this quote or anything, but I like it when Jennifer Lawrence talks. Apparently she made a First Wives Club reference and nobody got it or something (philistines).

“It’s never a good idea for me to wing it, but it was a quote from First Wives Club!” the actress said on ‘Late Night with David Letterman’ Tuesday night. “[In the movie] Bette Midler was talking about a Globe — I can’t believe nobody has ever done it before — where she says, ‘Look what it says, it says I beat Meryl.'” She went on to say, “First of all, it’s Meryl Streep. You can’t offend Meryl Streep. And then all of the sudden I hate Meryl Streep. Is that what this turned into? I don’t like Meryl Streep? As if I had my eyes on getting that girl forever and I was like, ‘Finally! I knew it would happen one day!'”

Wait. Article. There is no way she said “all of the sudden.” Right? UGH, ALL OF THE SUDDEN. TRANSCRIBE IT RIGHT OR PAY THE PRICE. [ContactMusic]

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• Here’s Dr. Oz blowing Charlie Sheen‘s mind with a black gunky smoker’s lung. The lung comes off super charismatic. [Extra]
• Here’s Harley Pasternak jizzing about avocados. [People]
• Conrad Bain—the dad from Diff’rent Strokes—has died, just shy of his 90th birthday. [Reuters]
• Here’s a bunch of pictures of Lauren Conrad walking around, and also some clothes from her latest Paper King Hat collection. [ONTD]
• Everyone thinks that Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa got secret-married because this happened:
• When given a Ninja Turtles ice-cream bar, she told gossip website TMZ.com on Tuesday (15.01.13), she said: ”My husband loves Ninja Turtles.”
• Don’t care about the wedding thing; care a lot about who’s giving out free ice cream bars and their address plz. Thx. [ContactMusic]
• Jennifer Lopez says she’s “really happy” for Ben Affleck. Also, she “really loves your cereal and there’s nothing she wants more than tons and tons of delicious cereal.” [ContactMusic]
• Taylor Swift is back in the studio despite suffering unspeakable heartbreak. She is seh brehv. [Us]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger says that Maria Shriver is the love of his life. [Extra]
• Busy Phillips says she did NOT set up Jason Segel and Michelle “Lady M” Williams, but she wishes she could take credit for it because it is obviously awesome. [E!]
• “Arf arf, I got you this medicine.” [Dr. Hank]