Glitter, Glam, and Bad Bunny's Acrylic Fingernails Ruled the Billboard Latin Music Awards

“You guys gotta change the mic. It stinks,” Bad Bunny said in Spanish as he walked off stage after accepting his Social Artist of the Year award at Premios Billboard Thursday night. On the other hand, (most of) the outfits did not.

As a sort of antithesis to the Latin Grammys, urbano artists took center stage at the Billboard Latin Music awards, with Ozuna sweeping the night and breaking the overall record for most wins of the year with a total of 11 awards, including Artist of the Year and Top Latin Album of the Year. Other notable moments included the Aventura reunion I preemptively screamed at the TV for not giving us just seconds before it did, and Romeo Santos’s acceptance speech after receiving the award for Tropical Artist of the Year, for which Marc Anthony was also nominated. “Urbano is doing great right now and I too have benefitted from it, but it’s important for tropical artists to keep working hard too,” he said echoing the implicit statement he made by releasing Utopia, an entirely bachata-filled album, earlier this year.

This was the most fun Latin award shows of the year so far, and also most reflective of what people are actually listening to at home right now. In similar fashion, there were quite a few ‘fits to take note of.

I’m convinced Bad Bunny came from the future and am including last night’s events and ensembles in my theory. My dude opted for green acrylics to ~elevate~ his look and suddenly I’m throwing out all previous knowledge of the damage the pointy additions do to my natural nails and making an appointment at the nail salon. If that wasn’t enough, he dyed his hair a matching neon green. From left to right we have take-him-home-to-mom BB, list-him-as-your-bodyguard-but-take-him-home-later BB, the “I want to look cool but I don’t know how to swim” BB, and last but not least, “you’re lucky to have me here, you’ll get whatever look I give you” BB.

Here he is again, going a 200 millas en un jet ski. Peep that Louis Vuitton vest.

I signed on late and missed Marc Anthony’s performance of his new song “Parecen Viernes,” but am elated to see that he opted for a double zip suede shirt and actually used the bottom zipper to give us the perfect amount of skin. Can you hear him singing in the picture? I can.

¡La Rosalía! Our high-pony-wearing reina served us several fun looks including a citified, glittery spin on the country gal look on the far right. The flame-accented red tiny sunglasses were my favorite shades of the night, and the banana-toned flares remind me I need to go get mine tailored. Who is tall enough to fit into flared pants? I suspect no one under 6’5″.

I look forward to Fashion Nova’s replica of Becky G’s semi-see-through hot pink track pants. The other two looks are great as well, but I would’ve preferred the “Banana” performance look the whole night. Comfy and cute.

As I watched Sebastian Yatra sing a couple of times last night, I kept thinking two things: this sweet man is everywhere but highly forgettable, and “wow, why do all men under 5’11’ have this haircut at some point in their lives?!” It looks good on almost no one, including Luis Fonsi, and I hope they both start embracing both looser fitting jeans, and shorter haircuts.

I skipped to the second half of “La Romana” right after I saw this photo and then immediately shook my head at the fact that Telemundo and Billboard didn’t take this opportunity to have El Alfa and Bad Bunny sing that song live if they were both there last night!!! Also, can we take a minute to look at those shiny whites? Also, that top knot?! It’s perfect. Did he do it himself, or have a stylist do it? Did he have a headache after? I have questions.

WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?! LOOK AT AVENTURA!!! I can’t wait to be as tan as Romeo Santos after vacation. Also, do we think the color coordination was planned? Because Henry Santos saying “tell them, primo” and Romeo seductively whispering “Aventura” afterwards definitely was.

Karol G was dripping white and gold both on and off the stage last night, and played it safe sticking to her deep V-cut and risqué leg slip she often exhibits. Though she didn’t take home any awards, her makeup took one home in my book. As she and her boo shared a kiss under a shower fall on stage, her lashes and face remained intact. Como?

El negrito de los ojos claros, Ozuna, changed every time he got on stage, and flaunted his own version of the petite man cut, though I don’t exactly hate it in this case. His shimmery take on the classic tux is a nice touch, and the tie-dye/camouflage hybrid he opted for in his heavyweight performance of the remix of “Baila, Baila, Baila” to close out the night.

Gaby Espino, who also carries the aging-immune gene, looked radiant as she hosted alongside different Telemundo actors and artists. Every outfit (except the black-and-white one we can just pretend never happened), was form-fitting and classy. Do we think that silver sequined dress was heavy? I feel heavy and hot just looking at it (not like that).

If you grew up in a Latin household it’s very likely that you know Ana María Polo from Caso Cerrado. I am so sorry to report that that show is still on television, and happy to tell you no one died in the making of last night’s show. She and Lupillo Rivera just seem to really like the color black.

Apparently everyone can find a shade that works for them in the neon green spectrum, in every season. Who do I need to email to find out what the temperature was at the Mandalay Bay Events Center on Thursday night? Everyone here was either cold or hot. That aside, I would like a size small in J Balvin’s green puffer.

He brought out Sean Paul to sing “Contra La Pared” with him, and for that I am forever grateful. I could truly listen to him say “night and day” all night and day. Can we have him at all future award shows? Also…

Here’s a look at the last time Paul came to the Billboard Latin Music Awards in 2014. We have come a long my way, my friend!