Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Gifts for the Aging Hypebeast

What to buy for the coolest (old) person in your life
Image: Takashi Aoyama (Getty Images)
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Age is nothing but a state of mind—a cliche that we each realize in our own time and manner, but one that has special resonance for hypebeasts.

A hypebeast, for those who aren’t familiar, is defined by my favorite source for matters of this nature—Urban Dictionary, of course—as “someone who loves trends, especially in shoes and clothes.” As an example, I offer Justin Bieber and his wife, Hailey, who embody the spirit and aesthetics of the hypebeast, and his woman counterpart, the hypebae. The Biebers still have their youth, but dedication doesn’t dry out with age; people get old, but oftentimes, they still want to be cool. Hence waiting in line for sneaker drops, even after standing in one place for too long hurts their aging knees. Support them in their quest with some nice gifts for the hypebeast or bae in your life who has accepted that they’re inevitably washed and ready to admit it—but in a way that still feels sort of “cool.”

Some nice indoor/outdoor clothing

Juicy Couture has enjoyed a resurgence as of late, and a sweatsuit is a nice way to show the hypebae in your life that you’re listening when they tell you about
what’s going on in the world of upscale loungewear. This zip-up hoodie ($54.90) and the matching pants ($54.90) might make her feel like the fun mom in Mean Girls, but that’s part of the gift. If tickling the nostalgia bone feels too on the nose, just go for the jugular and get some SKIMS—not the fuzzy ones that the teens love, but the waffle iteration, specifically this cropped henley top ($58) and the matching pants ($68).

Honestly, I don’t know where Pendleton lives on the hype continuum, but the thirst for classic Americana in streetwear is eternal. I’ve done you the favor of sorting through a million boring sweaters to unearth this cozy cardigan ($249), which is the same cardigan The Dude wore in The Big Lebowski. FarmRio, the brand behind the Instagram dresses that the Jezebel staff endorses wholesale, has a collaboration with Adidas. Look at this little t-shirt dress ($45) and these bike shorts ($45) and this crop top ($35)! Great options that scream, “I still pay attention to stuff, but also don’t want to look like the 2021 equivalent of Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed.”

Footwear is key to a cozy life, but sneakers are not a comfortable lounge shoe. Your standard-issue Crocs are a wonderful option, but branch out a little and go for the platform iteration or these off-roading bad boys. Both are potential ankle-breakers, so if you’re looking to avoid injury, might I push you towards these puffy little Japanese indoor/outdoor shoes, in an exclusive colorway, which feel like slipping your feet into little clouds? You’re welcome! (I would be remiss to ignore the Uggs resurgence, so if you are going to go that route, consider these platform scuffs ($90) or the “ultra mini” iteration ($120) of the classic. Karlie Kloss wears them! That means... something.) Finally, if you really love your hypebeast and also have $795 to spare, get these Margiela Tabi slippers and call it a night.

Get them lit (only a little)

If the pal in question is eschewing alcohol because of what it does to their mental state and corporeal form in the days after, or if they’re exploring whatever it means to be California sober, Ghia is an “alternative spirit” with an aesthetically pleasing label that I hear goes well with seltzer ($33). If they are California sober and their definition of that nebulous term includes marijuana, buy them some weed (prices may vary) and then this “tamping stick” ($20) from Edie Parker, a Lisa Says Gah!-adjacent handbag company that has now branched out into weed accessories.

Tend to their washed bodies and spirits

Going out ain’t what it used to be, when the hypebae discovers that the bod cannot handle what it once could. Staying home on a Friday night instead of engaging in activities resulting in a week of hurt is much easier when the house looks nice and they have some creams and goops to massage into their aching joints.

This Lord Jones CBD balm ($55) is a miracle worker and feels appropriate for creaky knees or the twinge of pain in a hamstring from a decades-old skateboarding injury. If that’s not your speed, a tube of Ben Gay ($7.49) does the trick, plus the packaging is retro and reminds me a little bit of this Nuprin commercial from my childhood.

Make sitting on the couch watching TV feel better by displaying these Supreme-branded Duraflame logs ($40 for a pack of 6), arranged as if they were actually in a fireplace, and tuck yourself in under this blanket, printed with mushrooms ($120), which has a vague Online Ceramics aura. Adorn their chair with this KITH x MLB x New York Yankees (?) throw pillow ($95), which is objectively ugly, but hey, that’s not your problem. Place this gold-standard sneaker cleaning kit ($16) in their little stocking and know that you did a great job.