Get the A-List Baby You've Always Wanted With the World's 'First Celebrity Sperm Donor Service'

Have you ever wanted to birth David Beckham’s offspring? Thanks to UK Clinic Fame Daddy, your dream can now come true! Basically.

The clinic offers women the chance to buy sperm for £15,000 ($24,100) a pop from “famous donors” who allegedly include an Oscar-winning actor, an Olympic gold medalist, a rock star with a multi-platinum band and a aristocrat from the House of Lords.

Sweet! I pick Daniel Craig! Oh, wait, apparently that’s not how it works. According to Luxury Launches:

“The clinic guarantees the £15,000 ($24,100) sperm will be from an A-lister, but the hold is that his identity will be secret until the child is 18. Company’s website claims that women will be able to choose from different options ranging from celebrated high-achievers in various fields. The identities of each top-shot father will be kept secret as the donors have been guaranteed anonymity.”

Bummer! But 18 years is a small price to pay for having a baby with such a catch! I’ll just wait a few years to figure out who the daddy is.

Except that’s not what it says on Fame Daddy’s FAQ:

At the age of 16 years, he/she can contact the Human Fertilisation Embryology Authority (HFEA) to request non-identifying details about the donor used for conception.

…

At 18 years old, he/she is entitled to request identifying information from the HFEA. This information will include the donor’s full name, date of birth and last known address. The decision to make contact is entirely taken at the discretion of the donor.

Donors are under no legal or financial obligation to support the child or respond to any attempts to make contact.

Guess there’s no such thing as a free lunch — or an expensive celebrity baby.