FYI, 'Baby Dick' Makes For a Very Good Insult

Photo: Flicr
Photo: Flicr

Buried deep in this terrible story about a rogue “spitter” who has been terrorizing coffeeshops in the Washington D.C area is an anecdote that is so succinct and cutting that it feels remiss to let this go.


According to the Washington City Paper, the spitter in question is a man who has been banned from various coffeeshops and bars in D.C. because of his behavior; in the video captured by a patron of Qualia Coffee, the man can be seen spitting a mouthful of water in the face of Allie Viall, the assisstant manager.

When this video was published on Qualia’s Facebook page, employees of various bars and restaurants shared their stories about this man, who seems to have a particularly distressing history with women, emphasis ours.

It seems to be a lot of women have bad interactions with him,” says Peyton Sherwood. He’s a co-owner of several bars in D.C. including The Good Silver and The Midlands....

On Facebook, Sherwood pointed out that the suspect has quite the nickname—Baby Dick. “Why? Because he was kicked out of Meridian Pint one day for being super drunk and an asshole,” he writes. “Once they finally got him outside past their patio he decided to pull his pants down and show his junk. Some woman yelled out, “Oh you’ve got a baby dick!” and the whole patio started chanting ‘baby dick’ over and over until he ran away.”

(Emphasis mine.)

Viall and Sherwood both were quick to note that the man potentially needs “mental assistance,” but I’d just like to point out the efficacy of “Baby Dick” as an insult. Interpreted literally, it’s a canny observation thats also quite rude. Metaphorically, though, anyone can be a baby dick—it’s a pithy insult that encapsulates the kind of behavior perpetuated by people who make you angry enough to come up with a nickname, but not angry enough to take action. (Though “baby dick” seems far too generous a term/punishment for someone who spits water in their servers’ faces.) The person in your yoga class who routinely lets loose with an SBD is a baby dick; the man who pushes his way onto a crowded train car and acts huffy when people try to just get by is one, too.

See how versatile it is? Try it (the insult)! You’ll love it (still talking about the insult)! Baby dick!

Senior Writer, Jezebel



What’s your favorite insult? My favorite is “You’re a joke.” I’ve only actually deployed this while having a raging argument with someone in my head while showering, but I feel like it’s pretty good.

“You’re a joke. Everyone thinks you’re a joke,” she said in a deadpan voice. “Also you’ve got a baby dick.”