Fox News Says Female Comedians Need To Be Hot And Funny Or It Doesn't Count

Fox News, known and respected for its in-depth analysis of female comedians and comedy in general, would like to remind female comedians specifically that “frump isn’t funny any longer.”

“The new female comedian has to be the sexual aggressor, sexually provocative, dominant and successful,” says entertainment expert Patrick Wanis.

“Hollywood is now portraying women as the dominant force – the boss, the rescuer, the heroine, the hunter. Now women are being sexually provocative and sexually aggressive, rude and funny without the femininity or the class. Lucille Ball would never have played the aggressive, domineering nymphomaniac that Jennifer Aniston portrayed in ‘Horrible Bosses.'”

News I’m sure Lucille Ball would be heartbroken over since that was exactly the type of role she chased for years, but apart from that, does Patrick Wanis hear himself when he speaks? Lucille Ball is being compared to Jennifer Aniston?

Fox News even goes so far as to say that the reasons a lot of these “new female comedians” are soooo much more hilarious than previous female comedians is because “old-skool sitcom stars like Jennifer Aniston, Jane Krakowski and Julia Louis-Dreyfus have transformed themselves in recent years from somewhat awkward to stylish sex symbols.”

Ohhh. I forgot about how She’s All That-style ugly those women were before they cleaned themselves up enough for us to be able to laugh at them. Do you remember those first few seasons of Seinfeld? They seriously expected us to laugh at Elaine’s antics when she wasn’t even wearing a latex bodysuit??? That really was a different time, am I right, non-frumpy ladies?

Wanis also says that female comedians who don’t routinely dress like Snooki had better change their minds lest they be “relegated to playing the female versions of Chris Farley,” which is obviously a huge insult because Farley isn’t regarded as a comedy legend by almost everyone everywhere.

“Rosie O’Donnell and Janeane Garofalo will be relegated to playing the female versions of Chris Farley. Hollywood doesn’t want a woman that is not sexually enticing like Rosie; it wants the sexual alpha female,” he said. “The same trend is being seen on reality TV [with] Snooki and all the ‘Housewives.'”

Yeah, see here’s the thing. Rosie is still a fairly regular character —and consistently hilarious— on Curb Your Enthusiasm and Janeane is going to be on the next season of Delocated, and both women work pretty steadily but who cares about facts and talent when you can make sweeping generalizations about how a woman should be attractive first and interesting second?