Black Friday Is Almost Here!
The Inventory team is rounding up deals you don’t want to miss, now through Cyber Monday. Click here to browse!

Fox News Publishes Shocking Exposé on the War on Men

Illustration for article titled emFox News/em Publishes Shocking Exposé on the War on Men

In a piece ripped straight from The Onion, hilarious satirist Suzanne Venker — a right-wing nut job who loves to defend the never-ending national nightmare that is Michele Bachmann — says that straight people aren't getting married anymore because women just aren't women. Meaning that women are abandoning their rightful spots in the kitchen to become emasculating titans of business. Or, you know, to pay rent.

Advertisement

Here's a quick recap of the reasons Suzanne Venker blames women for a decline in American heterosexual marriages:

1."Women aren't women anymore."

2. "In a nutshell, women are angry."

3. "After decades of browbeating the American male, men are tired. Tired of being told there's something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren't happy, it's men's fault."

Advertisement

4. "The so-called rise of women has not threatened men. It has pissed them off."

5. "Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families — it's in their DNA. But modern women won't let them."

6. "Feminism serves men very well: They can have sex at hello and even live with their girlfriends with no responsibilities whatsoever."

7. "If men today are slackers, and if they're retreating from marriage en masse, women should look in the mirror and ask themselves what role they've played to bring about this transformation."

Advertisement

The trolling. Oh, the trolling.

Ignoring all of the bullshit about "surrendering to their nature and femininity" — as if women somehow were immune to the gratification a career provides — the rise of women in the workplace is in response to direct and indirect oppression for hundreds of years. Further, the piece entirely ignores that working is often an economic reality for everyone — even if some ladies might prefer to stay home and rear children, it's just not possible for many.

Advertisement

Also, it's always lovely to see a "no women-in-the-workplace!" article from a woman who opens by praising her own workplace experiences. I wonder how emasculated her work makes her man feel? Shouldn't she be on all fours in the bathroom so her man can fuck her from behind while she's scrubbing the toilet and sous-viding a pot roast? Thank goodness she found the time to write this drivel between dusting knick-knacks and perfecting her fellatio skills — you know, the truly important lady business.

The war on men [Fox News]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

You know, fuck it. We're moving past this. My mom warned me when I was a teenager that there was going to be a backlash against all the progress that women had made, and I think that's what we're looking at now with all the hyperventilating about "traditional values." Meanwhile I think that in my science PhD, the percent breakdown of women to men is about 60-40. Let self-hating women like this have paradoxical freakouts in the corner while the rest of us move on and get shit done.