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Fox News Gives Morning Hosts a 'Man Test'; Both Fail Miserably

On Tuesday morning, in a moment of almost poetic beauty, Fox & Friends host Brian Kilmeade and special guest idiot former Senator Scott Brown teamed up to take a “man test” administered by a former Navy SEAL. Both failed.

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Kilmeade sets up the failure perfectly, paraphrasing the thrust of a new book about men not being butch enough nowadays. “You really think it’s important that we’ve lost our manhood and even though we’re in the age of technology, we gotta still know the basics,” he chirped. The Navy SEAL, who has written a book on the “lost art of manhood,” agreed.

Next, Kilmeade and Brown changed the tire with the finesse and manliness of a pair of drunk babies. It ended with an apology. Looks like the War on Men starts and ends at Fox News.

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Contact the author at erin@jezebel.com.

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DISCUSSION

Rom Romberts

I desperately need someone to teach me how to man. I went in my garage the other day and I exploded in hives. I had to wrap my body in the softest blankets to soothe my angry skin. I picked up a hammer and it immediately became lodged in my throat. I had to ask men at the man store to remove it. Later that same week I asked my father-in-law how to change the oil in my car and he picked me up and drop kicked me into Montana where I was set upon by survivalists who scolded me for months about not knowing how to extract bear meat from trees.

Please. I must man better. I want to know how to start fires with my chest hair and how to shave with a hubcap. I want to understand how refrigerators work and I want to punish metal objects with screwing-drivers. I want to swallow unopened cans of beer like advil.

Please. Teach me how to man.