"Welcome one and all to the Gawker Triumph of Stupidity Contest, where stupidity is celebrated, reinforced and rewarded. I'm James Frey, former Gawker Intern, former Gawker Special Correspondent, and now, Gawker Special Consultant for the Triumph of Stupidity Contest.
As you may know, I am uniquely qualified for this job, more qualified for it than either of my previous positions at Gawker, because I am famously stupid. One need only look back through the archives of this wonderful website to see a few of my many displays of stupidity, and see how I have triumphed over them. At this point in my life, when people ask me for advice, and God help those who do ask, I say – Go, right now, and do the stupidest, most reckless thing you can possibly think of doing, close your eyes and buckle your seatbelt, and when it's all over, you'll be exactly where you want to be. I know it sounds silly, unrealistic, and fittingly, stupid, but I'm living proof that it works. So here, now, for your reading pleasure, are the winners, who are also fine examples of Triumph over Stupidity. I offer them my deepest and most heartfelt congratulations, and look forward to bonding with them in the Stupidity Winner's Circle at Thursday's Event.
So here you go: the following Gawker and/or Jezebel readers so wowed us (and James) with their stories of stupidity triumphing that it got them on the list for the Diesel NSFW Gawker Artist opening/mega-party Thursday night at Gawker HQ!
Stupid: Became addicted to the pills he bought for research for an article he wrote about the prevalence of prescription painkillers for a magazine.
Not-so-stupid: Got clean, wrote a book proposal about it and sold it for mid-six figures, four days before that same magazine that he wrote the article for folded.
Stupid: Changed her major from Biotechnology to a double major in Physics and Mathematics - to flirt with a boy.
Not-so-stupid: Physics led her to her great love - astrophysics, and in 2008 she was awarded her PhD. She is currently finishing up a postdoctoral position at Harvard University and is on her way to a new job with NASA.
Stupid: Began a steamy correspondence with the CEO of an internet start-up which shall remain nameless and moved to NYC at his behest (he had a job waiting for her) with only $6 to her name. Two weeks later the man told her the position wouldn't be open for 6 months and that he didn't love her like he thought he did. And that he needed her to move out by the end of the month.
Not-so-stupid: Three years later she is getting paid ridiculously well by a celebrity boss and living it up in NYC, having learned that believing in love wasn't so stupid after all.
Winner #4 (name withheld for fear of incarceration in Gitmo)
Stupid: While interning in the U.S. Senate, received an misdirected phone call from the Vice President, and after transferring him, accidentally patched into a conversation between the VP and a Senator, then hung up on him.
Not-so-stupid: Hung up on Dick Cheney.
Congrats to our stupidest (best) readers and see you dummies on Thursday night.