Forever 21 Robbed by Werewolf in Florida, Of Course

A man wearing a werewolf mask robbed a Forever 21 in Orlando this weekend. According to police, no one was injured during the robbery and no one reported being bitten and turned into a werewolf. So that’s good.

Everyone, please keep calm as you read this story and don’t do anything rash like freak out about how Teen Wolf is probably real (JUST LIKE YOUR STONER COUSIN SAID ALL THOSE TIMES) and start running off buying up a bunch of silver bullets. You don’t even own a gun that could shoot those silver bullets. So why the hell are you blowing all your beer money on them?

Let WKMG explain what went down the night the lycanthropes came to O-town:

According to an Orlando police field report, the store manager was on a ladder when a man wearing a werewolf mask, gray hooded sweatshirt with black sleeves, black hood over the mask and black and white shoes entered the store. The manager told police that he asked the man to leave because he was wearing a mask, but the man pushed him and told him to get the money out of the cash register.

The manager didn’t comply with the representative from Team Jacob right away because according to police he didn’t think it was real. That’s probably the appropriate reaction to someone coming up to you dressed as a mythical creature and demanding money. Unless they are dressed as a unicorn. Never turn down someone dressed as a unicorn if they say they want money.

The manager then escorted the masked gunman to the cash register and asked if he could clear the store, but the culprit said, “big bills only,” according to police.

“Big bills only.” Because everyone knows, Remus Lupin is a BALLER.

And now I have run out of werewolf jokes for the evening. I leave you with my request for someone to pen new lyrics for the song “Werewolves of Orlando.” Thank you.