VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: before Jackie Cruz played Flaca in Orange Is the New Black, she partook in beloved American institution (???) Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. Specifically, she and Kourtney Kardashian became friends, sat in a hot tub and then went to da club clad in golden headbands and made out a bit. This world is full of beauty.
According to some intrepid Internet sleuths, Cruz was on season 1 of the reality television spectacle, which occurred in 2010. Apparently, she and Kourtney met in an art class and then became friends (ONTD says that Jackie and Kourtney shared two (2) “brief kiss[es]” and then Kourtney felt guilty for leading her on. This sounds like a far more tender plot than that of the one episode I’ve seen, in which one of the Kardashians botches a DIY bikini wax and feels ashamed.)
In 2011, Cruz said that she and Kourtney were still amicable and still texting. No word on what the unforgiving sands of time have done to their friendship in the meantime, but at least we have the screencaps to treasure (images at the link). [Cosmo]
Kim Kardashian walked around in a very low-cut garment and a blazer, looking like a very erotic witch in the process of leaning in, and the Internet gnashed its teeth in delight. Shouts of “MAJOR CLEAVAGE!” and “NEAR WARDROBE MALFUNCTION” echoed through the entire planet’s collective unconscious. [E!]
Bachelorette Andi Dorfman has resigned from her job as assistant D.A. because Bachelorette’ing used up all of her requested unpaid leave, I guess. The D.A.’s office says they are open to rehiring her, though, which is nice. Please no one write a thinkpiece about this. [TMZ]
- Tracy Morgan is now in “fair condition” nine days after his car crash and continues to improve, which is very good news. [E!]
- The trailer for Shailene Woodley‘s new movie consists entirely of her making out with a hot dude while new wave plays in the background. WAS THIS FILM SHOT IN HEAVEN? [Cosmo]
- Anna Kendrick will be voicing a “relentlessly upbeat” troll in a movie about trolls. [Vulture]
- Miley Cyrus wrote some weird baby talk subtweet, presumably about Selena Gomez, after losing “Favourite International Artist or Group” to her at the MuchMusic Video Awards. Translated into standard English, the tweet reads, “rigged voting is wack, just saying.” Wow. Much music. [DListed]
- I guess this is going to be a rough week because I am crying at this story: at his concert in Texas, Kanye West noticed a fan in a wheelchair who had trouble seeing the stage, so he had a security guard bring the fan his microphone when the show was over :’) (I also know it’s going to be a rough week because I originally bolded “Texas” as though it was a celebrity’s name). [E!]
- Here’s a video of the identical twins who played the baby in Three Men and a Baby. They’re now 27, because 27 years have passed. “Funny how time works like that,” muses the Huffington Post. [HuffPo]
- It’s Rihanna and a baby wearing basketball jerseys!!!! [Gossip Cop]
- Everyone freaked the eff out because they thought Selena Gomez was sending a message of undying love to Justin Bieber over Instagram, but she was really just whispering The Cure lyrics. This is an A+++ story. [MTV]
- Dr. Dre gave his waitress a $5,000 tip. [Radar]