Fiona the Hippo May Be Clairvoyant

Illustration for article titled Fiona the Hippo May Be Clairvoyant
Screenshot: Cincinnati Zoo

We really love Fiona the hippo. The internet’s favorite mammal was born six weeks premature on January 24, 2017 (happy belated third birthday to this Aquarius legend!), and has captured our hearts with her cuteness ever since. Fiona has a cozy pad at the Cincinnati Zoo, a hardcore skincare routine, and even her own children’s book.

Her latest endeavor? Tackling the world of professional sports.

That’s right, Fiona the hippo has predicted the winner of the Super Bowl this upcoming Sunday. How, you may ask? Why, by vomiting on “an enrichment item emblazoned with the Kansas City Chiefs logo,” of course.


Fiona was merely supposed to press her snout to one of the items to pick a winner, local news station WLWT5 reports, but the “portly princess” had “just eaten lunch” and vomited up her “freshly chewed veggies.”

Sure, they *think* the vomiting was unintentional, but perhaps Fiona was just so certain that the Chiefs were going to win that she vomited for extra emphasis. (Or maybe she was just upset by the unapologetically racist connotations of the Kansas City Chief’s name and history.)

But to all you bookies and Uncut Gems fans out there, it’s important to know that Fiona’s prediction isn’t a sure thing.

Turns out, Fiona the hippo is reliable just half the time when it comes to her insightful intuition. As WLWT5 reports, the hippo accurately predicted the Philadelphia Eagles would beat the New England Patriots in 2018, but picked the Los Angeles Rams over the Pats in 2019. The Patriots beat the Rams 13-3.


While the accuracy of our chubby queen’s clairvoyance may still be up for debate, we support her no matter what.

Watch out groundhogs, you’re not the only animal that can predict stuff!

Freelance writer & night blogger at Jezebel. Lover of television, astrology, and sandwiches.

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That was the most controlled vomit I’ve ever seen.