Find Out Exactly How Dumb (or Smart) Your Dog Really Is

Dr. Brian Hare, a professor at Duke University who has a head of hair any dog (or woman) would envy, has created Dognition, a web app that allows you to test your dog’s intelligence. Now you’ll finally know whether or not your dog is the next Einstein or Simone de Beauvoir (those are the names of two dogs I know).

The $60 app runs your dogs through a series of science-based games that they’ll supposedly love, and measures intellect on several fronts, including empathy, memory, and reasoning skills. Pretty sure this is something that would be good for some humans, too.

“We’ve had a revolution in our understanding of animal psychology,” Dr. Hare told CBS News. He and his team have been using the tests offered by Dognition for years to analyze canine intelligence. “We wanted to give people the same opportunity to play these games with their dogs.”

Dr. Hare (he was destined for a career in animal science!) and his team will analyze the collected data to figure out why some dogs are better at certain things than others. For example, why can’t one of my parents dogs figure out that carpets aren’t giant soft shitting patches? (This also has to do with training, I know. I know.).

As someone who had doggie DNA done for one of her dogs — look at him! I assumed he was part fraggle/part falcor, but he’s actually just a mix of Keeshond, sheep dog, and every other breed ever! — I’ll definitely do this. Dogs are supposedly very good at reading human emotion, and that makes sense because they’re companion animals. Now, it’s time to put them through the wringer and see just how far away they are from world domination. (Side note: of course this doesn’t exist for cats, because we already know the terrifying, terrifying answer.)