Fancy-Schmancy Condo Owners Have a Priceless View...of Other People Fucking in a Park

This is the park where the fucking happens. Image: Getty
This is the park where the fucking happens. Image: Getty

To be rich means to be able to throw buckets of money at a condo association and buy a million dollar view of the New York City skyline and all that comes with that: from the ‘Grammable sunsets to the writhing bodies of strangers copulating in the park you can see directly from your window.


Herein is the trouble for residents of the 5th on the Park, a luxury high-rise building in Harlem overlooking Marcus Garvey Park, DNAinfo reports. Residents of the building who’ve shelled out a fair amount of money to live in the luxury condomonium are treated to scenic vistas of “flagrant fornicators” who “mount a rocky hill — and then one another” in the aforementioned park, at all hours of the day and in every possible iteration and configuration.

A resident of the building told the Post he saw “one girl with three guys,” and that it “shocked the hell” out of him. Another resident ran down a sordid laundry list of the relatively tame sex acts she’d witnessed by looking out the window and gazing over the park below her: ““I saw a lot of b—jobs, guys having sex, guys masturbating, I really saw the whole gamut,” Marie Gelot told the Post. The whole gamut, indeed.


The sex-havers in the park are doing so atop an outcropping of rock called the Acropolis, which is reportedly strewn with used condoms, emptied lube packets, and condom wrappers. Police officers are well aware of the situation and have spent their summer staked out on top of the building with binoculars, on high alert for fuckin’.

I get that it’s not ideal to look at your window and see some strangers making sweet love amidst the dry grass down below, but I don’t know, man. It’s your apartment. Close the windows. Draw the blinds. Tear your eyes away from the copulation. If you’re the one who’s looking down on them, just be happy that you’re up where you are. Let them fuck in peace. It’s the least you can do.

Senior Writer, Jezebel



I’m a terrible person so I’d probably work on a way to mount an ice water super-soaker to a drone and then sit at the window with my binoculars, remote control and kazoo for playing “Flight of the Valkyries”.