As many of you know by now, comedian and star of the godawful Snatched Amy Schumer and Aidan-like furniture designer Ben Hanisch recently broke up after some 15 months of dating. The story is fortunately not a sad one, as Schumer’s rep confirmed the two ended their relationship “after thoughtful consideration and remain friends.” But it is, you know, news because Schumer is a famous person and her fans like knowing with whom she is currently doin’ it.
Accordingly, gossip reporters are doing their due diligence and seeking out as much information about the breakup as possible. For example, Page Six’s Francesca Bacardi reached out to Hanisch’s brother, Tim, for a comment. And guess what! She got one! Here’s the juicy scoop:
“He’s doing fine. He’s all right. Everybody’s friendly. They’re good.”
When asked why Schumer and his brother took their relationship to Splitsville, the other (whether he’s younger or older is unclear) Hanisch could provide no details. He was, as Page Six reports, busy with work as a jockey agent. Preakness (the “second jewel” in horse racing’s Triple Crown) is this weekend, after all, and he has more important things to worry about than his brother’s love life.
Here’s a photo of Ben, Tim, and their mother.
But who is this mystery brother? Why has he suddenly become our nation’s best and most reliable source for news about the breakup of the week? Below is everything you need to know about Tim Hanisch:
Per a 2006 Times story, the job of a jockey agent (unlike agents in other sports) “has nothing to do with negotiating top-drawer salaries.” Instead, they write, “it is about seeing a man, and the occasional woman, about a horse — a fast one that will land his jockey in the winner’s circle.”
A jockey’s agent must supply his rider with a steady diet of “live horses” — those with a chance to win — while the trainers that he solicits demand a dependable jockey with a measure of loyalty. Often, it is an uneasy tightrope to walk.
Fascinating! So that’s what Tim does.
You know what? That’s actually all we know about him. OK! Good talk.