Every Question Is Biased, Hateful, and Rude to the Biased, Hateful, and Rude Man

Illustration for article titled Every Question Is Biased, Hateful, and Rude to the Biased, Hateful, and Rude Man
Screenshot: Facebook (Fair Use)

President Donald Trump, an American president who has demonstrated at every opportunity that he knows absolutely nothing about American government, has bristled at a 60 Minutes interview he deemed “unfair” because host Leslie Stahl dared ask him questions about America and its government.


Today, Trump released 38 minutes of interview footage on Facebook in order to get ahead of 60 Minutes airing the interview, instructing his disciples to “look at the bias, hatred and rudeness on behalf of 60 Minutes and CBS.”

Some examples of those biased, hateful, rude questions:

  • “Are you okay with some tough questions?”
  • “Everybody ready?”
  • “Can I start?”
  • “So we’ve had the pandemic on your watch, we’ve had racial strife, we’ve had [something that sounded like looting]. Why do you want this job? Why do you want to be president?”
  • “Are you going to say that you didn’t say this? Because I saw you say this.”
  • “So what just happened with the president?” (To Mike Pence after Donald Trump threw a fair, classy little fit and ran away from Stahl’s too tough questions.]

Some examples of the president’s unbiased, loving, polite answers:

  • “You don’t ask Biden tough questions. It’s terrible. You know that.”
  • “Because we’ve done a great job, and it’s not finished yet, and when I finish, this country is going to be in a position like it hasn’t been maybe ever.”
  • “When I watch [Joe Biden] walk out of a store... he’s a corrupt politician...and he’s walking with an ice cream. And question the media asks him, ‘What kind of ice cream?’”
  • “I think we have enough of an interview here. Let’s go.” [Five minutes before the scheduled end of the interview]

Later, the empty husk of Mike Pence was propped in a chair and its mouth moved to insist that the boss had done a great job. [Facebook, The New York Times]

Tonight’s debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden will feature a mute button held by an impartial viewer from the Commission on Presidential Debates to ensure that neither candidate (but mostly Trump) will not be allowed to interrupt, exceed his time, or throw a little tantrum if he believes his questions to be too difficult. The men will also be ensconced in plexiglass because, without naming names, one of them was recently and perhaps is still disease-ridden and the other is not.


These new plans for containing all that might spew from Donald Trump tonight do, of course, make one wonder why, if we always had the ability to stuff this man in a box and mute him, did we wait four years to do so. [AP]

  • In an October unsurprise, Russia is probably plotting some election shit. [New York Times]
  • Listen, Lara Trump, the dead cat didn’t even register to vote because he was too busy helping the zombie baby do murder in the pet sematary so just shut up about it, okay? [Politco]
  • Facebook is allegedly still on the front lines of the fight to make sure your parents remain as embarrassingly misinformed as possible. [Mother Jones]
  • Joe Biden promises to ask smart people what we should do about the Supreme Court, an old-fashioned approach to governmental problems ye likes of which we haven’t seen around these parts in nigh on four years. [The Hill]


Assistant Undersecretary of Only Okay

Once again the presidential debate falls on a night that I’m attempting a baking project. Last time it was tiramisu, I had the debate on headphones and the lady fingers I made turned out not as evenly textured as I wanted (plus I burned most of my first tray). I blame my less than perfect creation (which was still plenty edible) on the Orange One. This time around I can’t just skip the baking project, I have to make cookies for my grandma’s birthday which is tomorrow. I’ll probably still try to catch the debate, but I’m going to be so made if 45 ruins another baking project.

My grandma, by the way, is turning 90 tomorrow. She’s one of my favorite people in the world, despite the pandemic she’s been going for regular outdoor walks and holding up Black Lives Matter signs with her friends. For her birthday she plans to swim a mile. She’s an absolute badass and the person I most want to be like when I grow up. I hope she lives another 90 years. Y’all better wear your masks and vote for her birthday.