Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Ever Think About How What Lies Beneath Is the Closest Thing We Have to a Nancy Meyers Horror Movie?

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Everything is stupid, and so are we. Welcome to Jezebel’s Stupidest Summer Ever, a season-long celebration of our worst, most idiotic thoughts and opinions.

Here are some things you’ll probably find in Nancy Meyers movies, which I love:

  • Women clinking their glasses of Pinot Grigio together and laughing
  • Insanely spacious, envy-inducing properties situated next to views of the ocean/lake/sprawling countryside
  • Vanilla candles placed in oversized bell jars
  • Attractive, wealthy white people, falling over themselves over heartbreak and divorce and workaholism and lavender ice cream and what their bodies look like in the mirror after 50
  • Cashmere

And here are some things you’ll probably find in all the other movies I love that aren’t Nancy Meyers movies:

  • Murder
  • Ghosts
  • Extremely amateur detective work
  • Seances
  • DID I MENTION MURDER

As you can see, this is extremely difficult for me. Every time I turn on my television, trying to figure out what movie to watch, I’m simply at a loss. Do I watch a graphically violent horror movie or a delightful production written and directed by Nancy Meyers? Tonight, will I see messages written in blood on the walls or Jude Law, unreasonably, maybe even suspiciously, tan for an English winter?

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If only there was a way to have both; to swaddle myself in the Pottery Barn porn of a Nancy Meyers movie and also feel terrified for our frazzled, gorgeous white lady heroine, since there’s a goddamn ghost living in her house. And then I realized: What Lies Beneath, the 2000 horror film starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford, is the closest thing we have to a horror movie that takes place in the Nancy Meyers universe.

Pfeiffer plays Claire, a retired cellist married to Norman (Ford), who has decided to focus on her gardening now that her daughter has just gone away at college.

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The house, a pristine mansion situated by the water in picturesque Vermont, decorated entirely in shades of cream and beige, is now an empty nest. Gorgeous... almost like a Nancy Meyers set. Except haunted AF.

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In between taking long ass baths in her pristine clawfoot tub and playing solitaire on her computer in a glamorous white silk bathrobe...

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...Plus drinking wine with her quirky side-kick, Jody...

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...Claire is trying to grow closer to her husband by eating tense dinners and going on casual boat rides.

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Except Claire realizes after a lot of flashing lights and slamming doors that there’s an intruder in the house.

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And spoiler, this time it’s NOT hot doctor Keanu Reeves OR hot widower Jude Law OR Lindsay Lohan pretending to be British! Shocking, I know.

It’s a ghost. An extremely helpful ghost that leads Claire to find out her husband cheated on her.

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Oh, and, through some weird, wild, unexplainable string of events, Claire somehow becomes her husband’s mistress???

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It’s complicated!

Anyway, the ghost whispers *duuuUUUuuuUUUmp hIIiiiIIIIm* (not really, just my translation) in Claire’s ear and then a whole bunch of other stuff happens and (SPOILERS FOR A MOVE OVER A DECADE OLD) she ends up “breaking up” with her husband by leaving him to drown in the lake with the ghost mistress. Girl power!

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If, like me, you want the comfy aspirational, New England aesthetic and warmth of a Nancy Meyers film with just 100 percent more murderous husbands, What Lies Beneath is there for you.