Nicole Byer, storyteller extraordinaire and star of Loosely Exactly Nicole, appeared on Conan Tuesday night to share a story that will haunt all of us forever: she found poop wrapped up in her sealed airplane blanket. In First. Class.
The story is fairly straightforward—she was cold on a Delta flight, she opened the bag containing her blanket, a few brown crumbs fell out, and things escalated from there. She even discovered some Blanket Flakes in her phone some time after the incident, as though the poop was actually alien matter seeking a host. The airline believes the poop is very much human, likely that of a disgruntled employee, to which Byer says, “Really? Treat ‘em better!”
According to Byer, Delta Airlines initially offered 250 Delta Bucks as an apology to which she countered, “Give me an airplane.” She eventually got her ticket refunded, miles, and 600 Delta Bucks, but to go further than that Byer would have had to agree not to talk about the incident. And that would be a shame.