Eminem Has Been Fucking Up His Christopher Reeve Punchlines For 15 Fucking Years

By Jordan Sargent  |  October 21, 2016 | 7:30pm
Entertainment

Eminem released a new eight-minute-long campaign-themed song this week, and I’m just going to assume you didn’t make it six minutes and 13 seconds in, which is when Eminem returns to one of his favorite motifs: Christopher Reeve, the Superman actor who was paralyzed from the neck down in 1995 after being thrown from a horse. Eminem raps (via Rap Genius):

Try and follow, as I wobble, relapse into history, with a flask of the whiskey
Tip it back then I’m twisting wine bottles
Like what happened to Chris Reeve’s spine column

As far as punchlines go, you wouldn’t exactly call it… current. But Eminem has been making Christopher Reeve jokes for at least 15 years now, even long after Reeve’s death in 2004. He is a recurring character in Eminem songs and one of the rapper’s favorite foils. Reeve is so wrapped up in Eminem’s discography that Eminem frequently goes meta to address his self-created “beef” with a man who has been dead for over a decade. On a 2009 song called “Medicine Ball,” Eminem takes a whole verse to rap about his relationship with Reeve, which culminates in him rapping to himself as Reeve: Again, via Rap Genius, since I’m not about to transcribe Eminem lyrics on my own:

Put Christopher Reeves on a unicycle with a kickstand
Kick it up and push him and lead him right into quicksand
Here, you need a hand, big man? Grab hold of this branch
With both hands, man they don’t understand I’m just a sick man
Now everybody’s pissed at me – like it’s my fault
His name rhymes with so many different words, jeez!
So one last time, Mr. Christopher Reeves
Won’t you break it down for me and just spit the verse, please?
”Eminem, I’m coming to kill you {*sniffs*}
Always hated you and I still do
You’ll never fill my shoes, my Superman costume {*sniffs*}
Doesn’t even fit you, they don’t feel you
You’re taking this shit too far {*sniffs*}

If you read the above transcription closely, you’ll notice something that looks like a typo but isn’t: “So one last time, Mr. Christopher Reeves.” Throughout his decade-plus of making Christopher Reeve jokes, Eminem has exclusively referred to Christopher Reeve as “Christopher Reeves.” This YouTube compilation of his “Reeves” punchlines illustrates the point:

As far as I can tell, Eminem has never specifically explained why he adds an “s” onto Reeve’s name. He has fixated on the man enough that I would guess he knows the correct pronunciation and just thinks it’s funny to say it wrong. The result of this though is that a legion of Eminem fans appear to have no idea that it’s actually Christopher Reeve, or appear to be torn over which is the correct spelling. Here is a 2013 post from an Eminem fan forum, in a thread about Eminem’s Reeve obsession:

(It’s Reeve.)

A YouTube commenter on the above video appears to have just recently learned the correct spelling of Reeve’s name:

Of course, this is just a Google away. But the internet shows that plenty of Eminem listeners have taken the rapper at his word: Yahoo! Answers is littered with threads on Eminem’s specific preoccupation with Reeve:

There are threads dedicated to the topic across all sorts of random forums:

In that last thread, from the forum “DVD Talk” (which is still rocking), one poster shouts into the void about the correct way to say the man’s name:

I’m sad to report that Michael’s cries went unheeded.

Anyway, back to “Campaign Song.” You’ll notice that the punchline necessitates Eminem use the possessive: “Tip it back then I’m twisting wine bottles / Like what happened to Chris Reeve’s spine column.” I would like to say that, if anything, “Campaign Song” represents Eminem breaking new ground on the subject of correctly pronouncing Christopher Reeve’s name. Alas, he has rapped Reeve’s name in the possessive previously—on a song from his second major album, “I’m Back,” he said, “Slim, for Pete’s sake, put down Christopher Reeve’s legs”—so I don’t think much if anything has changed, though something tells me this saga is far from over.

 
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