If the book I read in middle school was correct, squirrels are evil mutant creatures that can survive in the wild by feasting on the flesh of sixth graders. Sadly, this is one squirrel who will likely have a lot of trouble staying alive, because it can't even pick up a cherry tomato, much less bite out a preteen's jugular. Considering how adorably it tries, though, I'll assume its tiny little death rattle will be just as cute.


Contact the author at mark.shrayber@jezebel.com.