Dude, U Cannot Fall Into Someone

Illustration for article titled Dude, U Cannot Fall Into Someone

Ehsan Abdulaziz, a 46-year-old British millionaire, has responded to allegations that he raped an 18-year-old by saying first that “she’ll have to prove it,” and second that he probably fell inside her. A PSA to future bros attempting the same defense: a vagina is actually not a manhole. You can’t just fall into one.

According to reports, the 18-year-old met Abdulaziz at a nightclub in August of 2014. He offered to give her and a friend a ride home from the bar, and then invited them into his home for a drink.

The victim reportedly woke up in the early morning with Abdulaziz on top of her, attempting to have sex.


“She said, ‘What are you doing?’ He said ‘It’s fine,’ indicating that her friend was asleep. She got up to find her friend, tried to wake her but couldn’t. She then tried to get out of the flat as quickly as she could,” said prosecutor Jonathan Davies, according to the Telegraph.

Abdulaziz reportedly claimed that the girl had pulled him onto her and put his hand between her legs, but after his DNA was found on the victim, he thought really hard about all his options and changed his story.

“He said that he did fall onto her and his penis may have penetrated her vagina,” Davies said.

The trial is ongoing. That said, here is my most pressing question: has Abdulaziz ever seen a vagina?


Contact the author at joanna@jezebel.com.

Image via Michael Dechev/Shutterstock.

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a vagina is actually not a manhole. You can’t just fall into one.

Next in rape apologia: Well, if she hadn’t wanted to be raped, she would have used one of these:

or even better, one of these: