Drake Will Now Try to Siphon the Youth Off Kylie Jenner

Graphic: Joan Summers, Image: Getty

Ancient cultures told stories of ghosts and other spooky things that would tether themselves to young women on the mortal plane, hoping to build a bridge back to our world. For weeks, months, and sometimes even years, legends claim they can slowly siphon the woman’s life force, until she is nothing but a husk, approaching midlife and wondering where the years went.

I have reason to believe that Drake, professional beard-haver and Instagram busy-body, is a vessel for one such creature. People reports that his latest mark is Kylie Jenner, who recently split from Travis Scott. Worse, sources claim: “They’ve been friends for a long time and Drake is very close to the family.” Being 22, any length of time spent knowing Drake would put her squarely in her teens when they met—something she has in common with other Drake friend Millie Bobby Brown. (And, I should add, plenty of other teens.)

Advertisement

However, not everything thinks the pair are involved romantically. Some “close to the makeup mogul” deny they are dating, and instead, are merely longtime friends who enjoy hanging out together. This is equally troubling, as the ancient spirits long feared by mankind don’t need a physical connection to siphon off their target’s vitality. Proximity and friendship work just fine. Watch your back, Kylie! (And maybe call a priest, or your brother-in-law.)[People]


Even though the internet has moved on from the romance rumors swirling about last year’s Oscar flop, A Star is Born, its titular star has not. (Neither have the tabloids, but celebrities exist in that upside-down work the gossip rags do, so it’s mostly unsurprising.) Stefani Joanne Ally Maine Angelina Germonatta, actress slash dancer slash singer slash fashion designer slash makeup entrepreneur was interviewed by Oprah in this month’s Elle. How our physical plane survived these two presences existing in one spot is unclear, but the Haus of Gaga founder did reveal she thinks the press is ridiculous:

“Quite frankly, I think the press is very silly. I mean, we made a love story. For me, as a performer and as an actress, of course we wanted people to believe that we were in love. We wanted people to feel that love at the Oscars. We wanted it to go right through the lens of that camera and to every television that it was being watched on. And we worked hard on it, we worked for days. We mapped the whole thing out — it was orchestrated as a performance. In truth, when we talked about it, we went, ‘Well, I guess we did a good job!”

She also reveals in the interview that she didn’t do any of this—her movies, her makeup lines, her music—for fame. She did it “for impact.” Which is a noble pursuit! (At one point, she calls Oprah “not completely kind” and “a bit cunning” for asking if she learned that at NYU.)

Anyway, what I still don’t understand about her insistence that it was “all for show,” is what exactly she’s annoyed wish. Her performance—of love, of human connection—resonated with audiences. As consumers of celebrity culture, many engaged with the narrative she and Cooper and Valentino Haute Couture designer Pierpaolo Piccioli (and 100 various executives at Warner Bros.) provided. Their plan worked! People ate it up, and the press largely carried the film much further than it would have travelled alone through the awards circuit. So what is there to still be annoyed about? It’s a mystery I will probably never solve—or think about again, until the next time she brings it up! [Elle]

Advertisement

Jenny Slate told a cute story or whatever.


  • Seems like Keanu Reeves has been dating Alexandra Grant for quite a while. [Just Jared]
  • The other Property Man is excited his brother is dating Zooey Deschanel. [People]
  • Bebe Rexha claps back. [ET]
  • Miley Cyrus compares Cody Simpson to Heath Ledger. [The Blast]
  • Remember that Tyler Cameron dude? Me neither! [Just Jared]

Share This Story

About the author