Dope AF 110-Year-Old Woman Says Champagne of Beers Is Key To Longevity

Illustration for article titled Dope AF 110-Year-Old Woman Says Champagne of Beers Is Key To Longevity

New Jersey resident Agnes Fenton celebrated her 110th birthday on Saturday (“just another day,” she said) and owes her extraordinary longevity to two things: Miller High Life and Johnnie Walker. DAMN, GIRL.

This latest birthday makes her something called a supercentenarian — and there are only an estimated 300 to 600 in the whole world. Damn, girl.

Fenton discovered the secret to long life when she went to the doctor just under 70 years ago. The doctor found a benign tumor and gave her a simple piece of health advice: To drink three Miller High Lifes every day. Since then, she’s had three beers and a shot of Johnnie Walker Blue Label every single day (although recently she’s had less because of her decreased appetite).


The Record reports:

Nurses stay with Agnes Fenton around the clock. Neighbors and firefighters check on her, as does 66-year-old Lamont Saunders of Teaneck, who has known Fenton his entire life and calls her “Aunt Aggie.” Fenton was a dear friend of Saunders’ late mother, and from Aunt Aggie, Saunders said he has learned “honesty and being true to yourself.”...

Since becoming a centenarian, Fenton’s been quite the Englewood celebrity. She’s received government proclamations, and birthday greetings from President Obama and Governor Christie. NVE Bank tossed its longtime customer a 107th birthday in conjunction with its own 125th anniversary celebration. Englewood has proclaimed Saturday “Agnes Fenton Day.” The city’s first Agnes Fenton Day was 10 years ago.

“When I was 100 years old, I went to the mirror to thank God that I was still here. And I thank him every morning,” she said in an interview. “He gave me a long life and a good life, and I have nothing to complain about. … You’ve got to have God in your life. Without God, you’ve got nothing.”

We already knew Miller High Life was the best beer. Now we know that it makes you basically immortal.


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The Noble Renard

I love the inevitable “What’s your secret?” questions that come up whenever an old person is around, because we all don’t like the real answer, which is that someone has to be on the very far end of the bell curve, and there’s no real secret to extreme longevity other than just the mechanics of probability.

/it’s a Monday, let me ruin things for you