Don't You Dare Pull Any April Fools Shit This Year, Brands

Even though it feels as though a single day in self-isolation lasts five years, April is right around the corner, as is the most annoying holiday ever invented: April Fools’ Day. Any other year, April 1 would be a typical day where suddenly all your loved ones become untrustworthy degenerates. Is cousin John really moving, or is he just pulling a prank? It could go either way. The worst offenders are the people who, even though the internet has this discussion every year, still share false sonograms to prank their friends into believing they are pregnant. For the umpteenth time, don’t do that.

While I think that everyone should take a break from April Fools’ Day this year, there’s one specific group that should be banned from anything that even resembles a prank: retailers. Not a single brand should be allowed to send an email that starts or begins with the phrase “April Fools!” Not even an innocent but stupid prank, like in 2019 when insurance company Lemonade sent an email saying their logo couldn’t be pink anymore because T-Mobile was suing them. All retailer email pranks, just like everything else, must be canceled until further notice.

Brands may be tempted to send a little April Fools’ Day email, but just keep in mind that those of us who are fortunate enough to still have our health are annoyed, bored, fighting with their partner, or all of the above. No brand should strive to be the one asshole that sends a useless and unfunny email. If there is a funny joke that simply cannot wait, create a draft and schedule it to be posted on April 1st, 2021, when life and merriment are expected to return once more. But until then, let’s all take deep breaths and stay at least six feet away from any stupid shit being sent to our inboxes.