In the weeks since confirmed cases of covid-19 have risen in the States, it’s been made abundantly clear that no amount of money or prestige can insulate the ruling class—either from infection or the endless, anxious boredom of locking oneself at home indefinitely. Suddenly, the internet is glutted with a new genre of news: The celebrity announcement of potential covid-19 exposure; the celebrity announcement of the results of an absurdly swift covid-19 test; the celebrity Instagram post about how much they wish they could go outside. As Madonna helpfully pointed out from a bathtub in one of her six-odd houses, coronavirus is the “great equalizer,” which I’d argue is only true if you own six houses and are experiencing something common for the first time in your natural life.
A piece of useful information that’s generally left out of these announcements is where, and under what circumstances, exactly, politicians and celebrities and athletes are quarantining while they post Tik Toks or cobble together live-streamed PSAs. So here’s a tour of the likely places the country’s rich and powerful are sheltering as they alternately urge us to stay indoors and complain about being unable to live the seamless life they’ve come to know.
Mitt Romney
Romney reportedly went into self-isolation on Sunday after being in contact with Rand Paul, a man so at odds with reality he refused to isolate himself as he awaited the results of his own test. (Paul tested positive; Romney has since tested negative but says he remains in self-quarantine given guidance from his doctor and the recommendations of the CDC. It is entirely possible he is simply afraid, which is his most relatable attribute.)
According to the Salt Lake Tribune, upon learning of his potential exposure, the Senator immediately chartered a private flight back to Utah, where he hunkered down, most likely in a 5,900 square foot compound he built six years ago, one of his many homes. As the Tribune reported, Romney’s daughter-in-law dropped off some hot dogs and ramen recently to sustain him during his exile: The Senator is currently giving press conferences over Zoom about the dangers of extensive unemployment benefits from his home. No photographs are available, as the secretive politician commissioned the luxury compound himself, but it is said to feature a number of terraces and gazebos, a fountain, an outdoor spa, and a secret room hidden behind a bookcase.
Daniel Dae Kim
In the days since he announced he had tested positive for covid-19, Daniel Dae Kim of Lost and, until fairly recently, Hawaii 5-0, has been assuaging his boredom by broadcasting lengthy Instagram videos. Like many celebrities, Kim has taken it upon himself to advise the citizenry on matters of public health; in one video, he encouraged social distancing and criticized the racism that’s attended the crisis.
In a second, somewhat less helpful video, the actor credited his recovery to doses of hydroxychloroquine, an anti-malarial drug boosted by President Trump that is now both impossible to come by and, apparently, hasn’t proven to be particularly useful in treating the disease caused by the virus. In any case, Kim says his family remains symptom-free, “and just bored, like the rest of us.” Unlike the rest of us, public records place Kim’s last Hawaii residence as a five-bedroom, seven-bath luxury home in Honolulu described as “truly a resort within itself” on real estate listings. The private self-isolation site also features a wet bar, two dining rooms, and a poolside outdoor kitchen complete with a wet bar.
Andy Cohen
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