A 124-year-old patent that shows confused buyers how to place their toilet paper was recently unearthed by tech writer, Owen Williams. Conventional wisdom and Seth Wheeler (the businessman who patented the method) tell us to pull from over rather than under the roll. Which is good. Because that's what I do. What else is good? That I feel validated by the terribly irksome feeling I get when I see toilet paper in the under position. Now I can tell friends, family and the world that mine is not an idiosyncratic behavior, that there is an actual patent which shows us true civility and decorum.

Happy ass wiping you beautiful babies.