Divorced Fox News Host Laments That Democrats Are Trying ‘to Keep Women Single’

Fox News continues to deliver the incisive election analysis that they alone are putting out into the world. Case in point: Host Jesse Watters on Wednesday night broke down a segment that showed 68% of unmarried women voted for Democrats this cycle, compared with just 42% of married women. He has a theory for why this may be. “Democrat policies are designed to keep women single,” Watters said. He continued, “Single women and voters under 40 have been captured by Democrats. So, we need these ladies to get married. And it’s time to fall in love and just settle down. Guys, go put a ring on it.”

Did you hear that, young, impressionable, single “ladies” who are definitely watching Fox News on a Wednesday evening?? Let yourself be romanced! Settle down with a good man! Like, say, Mr. Watters himself, who knows a thing or two about chivalrous courtship, mind you. After 10 years of marriage to his first wife, with whom he shares two kids, Watters finalized his divorce in 2019—the same year he married his new wife, a younger woman he met while she was working as his intern.

Their beautiful, definitely not Dateline-esque love story began when Watters deflated his intern’s tires, forcing her to turn to him for help. “She couldn’t go anywhere. She needed a lift, I said, ‘Hey, you need a lift?’ She hopped right in the car,” he boasted on his Fox News show back in April. (Cue the Law and Order: SVU opening theme, please.) Indeed, a charmer like Watters—who went on a brief “vacation” in 2017 shortly after making lewd gestures about Ivanka Trump on-air in 2017—seems like just the man to gauge what the fairer sex needs.

If I were to give Watters the benefit of the doubt here, I’d assume what he’s doing re: “let’s get single women hitched” is an elaborate bit. He’s trying to be funny, right? It’s like if a poll shows that people who wear shorts tend to vote Democrat, and people who wear pants tend to vote Republican, and a Fox News host tries to fix the problem after a rough election by passing out pants to people wearing shorts. Boom, solved.

The problem is, the “joke” here is too real for conservatives. They really do want women married and pregnant; even teen girls. And the reason single women are repelled by the party is that they are trying to reach their government hands into our wombs and control our reproductive decisions, while providing no support for actual pregnant people (quite the opposite, in fact—they’re jailing pregnant people) or parents with newborn children after the fact. They want women married with kids, but their policies are making that life look extremely unappealing to everyone!

Single women have the unilateral power to vote for their own interests. And, often enough, this includes abortion rights, so they aren’t forced to start families, shoulder the astronomical costs of starting families, and stay in relationships they don’t want—or, hey, be placed at exponentially greater risk of being forced to stay with abusers and being pushed into poverty! Another Fox News guest on Wednesday attributed surprising Democratic wins this week to “women just [going] crazy” at the ballot box post-Roe v. Wade—a pretty offensive way to talk about us fighting for our very fucking survival in a country that wants to reduce our bodies to state-controlled ovens, but sure, dude!

I’d go so far as to say that it’s not only Republican policies turning people off of marriage and childbearing—it’s the men themselves. Earlier this year, Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL)—under federal investigation for alleged sex trafficking and statutory rape—said women protesting for abortion rights are too ugly to be impregnated. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA)—who was recently served divorce papers—chided an abortion rights protester for being too old to get pregnant. Am I horny right now? No, quite the opposite. Haha see, this is the problem!

I’d like to formally invite myself onto Jesse Watters’ show to provide a single woman’s perspective as to why his party so badly underperformed this election cycle. I think he could stand to listen for a minute instead of talking.