Diabolical Barber Gives Misbehaving Kids the "Old Man" Special

Kids acting up? Not getting the grades they should be or listening to you when it’s time to wash the dishes? Well, if you live in Snellville, Georgia, you don’t have to punish them with time outs or idle threats of giving them to the bad man who will sell all of their organs for below-market value. You can send them to A-1 Kutz, where three days a week they can get a free haircut that will make them look older than young Mr. Grace.

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The “Benjamin Button” is the most fashionable cut that a sassy kid with a bad attitude can have for two reasons: One, there is nothing cuter for adults than little children who look like old people, and two, there is nothing that little kids will find more upsetting than looking very old. Okay, maybe they’ll find being given to the bad man who will sell their organs for below-market value a little more upsetting (I did), but that kind of threat will only work for so long. Pretty soon they’ll figure out that there isn’t any man who will take their organs and then how will you get them to behave?

From The Washington Post:

The cut involves shaving hair off the child’s crown until he begins to resemble a balding senior citizen, inviting that unique brand of adolescent humiliation that can only come from teasing classmates and unwanted attention.

Supporters say it’s the perfect punishment for misbehaving kids who want to “act grown.”

[Russell] Fredrick, the A-1 Kutz co-owner and a 34-year-old father of three, said he decided to advertise the cut after he used the unique disciplinary measure on his 12-year-old son, Rushawn, last fall — and saw immediate results. Rushawn’s grades, which had fallen, “dramatically skyrocketed” after he got his old-man haircut, Frederick said.

I would also probably behave, to be honest. According to Uproxx, some people are calling what Fredrick does emotional abuse, but he says that most people are applauding his novel way of disciplining children. I don’t know if I can agree that it’s the best way to teach right from wrong, but it’s at least a little better than having a police officer come to the home to enforce a spanking.