Dear Lady Gaga, I Am Going to Steal All Your Wigs

New Lady Gaga Wigs just dropped! I am going to steal all of them and then her life so that I am the new star of House of Gucci and not her.

Over in the Italian motherland, Miss Germanatta was photographed in a variety of wigs and ensembles, as she and co-star Adam Driver shoot Ridley Scott’s new flick. I seethe with jealousy looking at them, because I want them. There is one for every mood!

Some are “glamorous.”

Others, like this one, are “flirty.” It’s a bit more shake-and-go than what we’ve seen her in since shooting began earlier this March. But I’m okay with that! This is a woman on the run, with places to be and a need for chunky statement jewelry.

But my absolute favorite of the new wigs is this campy little delight.

This is a portrait of a lady on fire. This is me at 7 a.m. on a Friday in a three-day-old tank top, no deodorant, and sleep dust still in my eyes while writing this blog. This was me at the mass vaccination clinic yesterday after I was asked to throw my extra-large white can of Monster out before entering the building when I had only taken one sip and I really needed the chemicals to get through another four hours of standing in line. This was me when the McDonald’s lady afterward very gently told me that no, I was not going to get myself a silly little McFlurry as a treat for my vaccination because the machine is broken and they are very sorry and so I left with a small fry and an extra-large sugar-free vanilla iced coffee instead because I felt self-destructive.