Dear Craigslist Users Attempting To Send Me Missed Connections

Illustration for article titled Dear Craigslist Users Attempting To Send Me Missed Connections

Hi. I think there are a few things we need to clarify, because your Missed Connections aren't reaching me and it's obviously not my fault.

First of all: I wasn't reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. Or Time Out. I don't even own an iPod. I also wasn't wearing a red plaid dress. Or a Northface backpack. No, I didn't take the seat you offered me because you didn't offer me a seat. We also didn't exchange a look as you left the train. And while we're at it, I don't have short hair, or an "Eloise" tattoo on my upper arm. I'm also not Asian. In fact, I fail to see how you expect me to contact you when your descriptions are so highly inaccurate. Did I mention I'm not a man? Because I'm not. I'm also not named "Sheila" and we didn't hook up in the Ramble last night.

I wasn't on the L train. In fact, I wasn't on the subway at all. I didn't wait on you at Starbucks; I don't even work at Starbucks! I also wasn't sitting next to you at the outdoor modern dance show, because how do you expect me to do that? Obviously, I had to be in my apartment, on my computer, checking the Missed Connections and sighing - again! - over your incompetence. I mean, is it that hard to give a two-line description of the person who might be your soul-mate? Whatever, I'll forgive you - again. I mean, this shit would not fly in the real world, but I get it: you're blinded by infatuation. As I wrote you yesterday, you're really going to need to shape up if this is going to happen between us. Because I can't spend my days responding to these inaccurate ads forever. And quite frankly, your obsession with me is getting creepy.

Advertisement

Image via Missed Connections blog.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

jennasauers
Jenna Sauers

Had a boyfriend who cheated on me via Missed Connections while I was out of town. So that's a sore point. But this was sweet.