Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin Learned Their Lesson About Balloons

By Lauren Evans  |  October 9, 2018 | 12:15am
CelebritiesDirt Bag

It’s been a very exciting few hours for Dakota Johnson, Chris Martin and all of their hangers-on. TMZ fucked up everyone’s shit earlier today by announcing that the couple—discreet about their relationship to to the point that they’ve never even confirmed it—was PREGNANT, and that they were having a BABY OF INDETERMINATE GENDER, and we know all of this because they had a PARTY with BALLOONS.

“Chris and Dakota, who’ve been dating for about a year, had a party at his place on Sunday, and photos and video from the event make it clear what they were celebrating,” wrote TMZ. Did it, though? The video just showed a few strings of balloons arching into the air. Maybe they were just trying to say hello to passing planes, or make sure Sean Penn could find the place.

It turns out Johnson is not pregnant; they just had a freaking party with some blue and pink balloons. No one is knocked up, okay? Johnson’s rep confirmed that the party was “simply a birthday party,” possibly for Johnson, who turned 29 last week.

Anyway, Julia Roberts came.

[Us Weekly]

Ariana Grande is the grand(e) empress of staying in the headlines.

Employing the TMZ School of Assumptions, I am guessing this is an announcement that “Titty Paint” is what she and Pete Davidson have decided to name their child.