Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin Learned Their Lesson About Balloons

Illustration for article titled Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin Learned Their Lesson About Balloons
Image: AP

It’s been a very exciting few hours for Dakota Johnson, Chris Martin and all of their hangers-on. TMZ fucked up everyone’s shit earlier today by announcing that the couple—discreet about their relationship to to the point that they’ve never even confirmed it—was PREGNANT, and that they were having a BABY OF INDETERMINATE GENDER, and we know all of this because they had a PARTY with BALLOONS.

Advertisement

“Chris and Dakota, who’ve been dating for about a year, had a party at his place on Sunday, and photos and video from the event make it clear what they were celebrating,” wrote TMZ. Did it, though? The video just showed a few strings of balloons arching into the air. Maybe they were just trying to say hello to passing planes, or make sure Sean Penn could find the place.

It turns out Johnson is not pregnant; they just had a freaking party with some blue and pink balloons. No one is knocked up, okay? Johnson’s rep confirmed that the party was “simply a birthday party,” possibly for Johnson, who turned 29 last week.

Advertisement

Anyway, Julia Roberts came.

[Us Weekly]


Ariana Grande is the grand(e) empress of staying in the headlines.

Employing the TMZ School of Assumptions, I am guessing this is an announcement that “Titty Paint” is what she and Pete Davidson have decided to name their child.


  • Things are not great between Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson [E! News]
  • In other Khloe news, she’s insisting she’s never had work done on her face. Okay fine! [Hollywood Life]
  • Will Friedle, who you may remember from Boy Meets World, revealed that he stopped acting due to an anxiety disorder. [People]

Night blogger at Jezebel

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

saffysweetie
SaffySweetie

If “they” are pregnant (let this phrase diiiiie), that’s going to be one very bland child.