Cosmo: "Sex-Rays" & MRI Machine Love Making

Cosmo editors often recommend sexual activities that could send a person to the hospital, and now we know why. The June issue reveals they’ve been harboring a sick fantasy: Having hospital sex… with Dr. James Van Der Beek.

Pretty much every one of Cosmo‘s sex tip articles includes some variation of “rub weird objects on his penis” or “bite him,” and the article “75 Sex Tips From Guys” is no different. This month your dude is hankering for you to bite his nipples and rub the following things on his penis: A cool washcloth, a phone set to vibrate, and a bikini bottom. Wearing nothing but a headband to bed for a “naughty-school-girl vibe” and leaving “your bra on so I can pull at the straps as I ride you from behind” are also much appreciated.

It’s never been clear why the ladies at Cosmo want women to hurt the men they love — until now. It appears the concept behind the fashion story “Diagnosis: Too Hot To Resist” is being sexually harrassed in a hospital setting. James Van Der Beek, who plays a doctor on Mercy, is shown groping a model’s thigh before she enters an M.R.I. machine, examining her high-heeled leg while it’s in traction, and forcing her to operate an x-ray machine with a broken wrist. (The caption: “She thought he wasn’t interested — until he said he would have to sex-ray her whole body.”) A sample: