​Convicted Sex Offender Wins $3 Million Lottery Because There Is No God

Today in Goddammit Florida, a man convicted of sexual battery of a minor gets to call himself a multimillionaire after winning $3 million off a fucking scratch-off ticket he bought at a 7-Eleven. Fuck everything.

In 1999, authorities in Orange County, (Florida, not Cali), arrested Timothy Dale Poole (what a name) after allegations arose that the man “sexually battered” a 9-year-old boy whose family was friends with Poole. According to the affidavit against Poole, the victim had spent some weekends at Poole’s home and stated that, “‘Tim would sleep in the same bed as him at his house’ and perform a sex act on the child…He said sometimes Tim would wake him up from sleeping to (perform a sex act).”

Poole denied the accusation, but pled guilty to attempted sexual battery. He was sentenced to 13 months (he had already served) and 10 years probation, and the judge made him register as a sexual predator. He’s still listed as a sexual predator on Florida’s Department of Law Enforcement website. But after failing to attend four mandatory sex offender counseling sessions, a judge revoked his probation in 2003, and sent him to prison for three years. Since being released in 2006, he has had no legal issues, and has been working as a taxi driver at his mother’s cab company.

And now this man is a millionaire after investing $20 in a scratch-off ticket. On Monday, he cashed in, choosing to take his $2,219,807.90 prize all at once. Via ClickOrlando:

“He was flabbergasted. He couldn’t believe it,” said Floyd Snyder, a friend who was with Poole when he hit the jackpot. “It was quite a remarkable thing. My heart is still beating.”

Um. I know what you mean, but of course your heart is still beating? Anyway, this friend also believes that Poole did nothing wrong and was falsely accused because duh, his friend is now rich as fuck and who’s going to argue with that kind of money?

“I’ve known him for years and I’ve never seen any inclination of anything like that with him,” said Snyder, who believes his friend should enjoy the $3 million lottery jackpot. “He’s a very positive person. Very kind. Giving. I think that’s why he won. It’s Christmastime and the dude deserves a break.”

Burn Christmas. Burn it to the ground.

Image via WKMG.