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Congratulations to Stassi Schroeder, Who Just Saw a Nipple Hair for the First Time

Illustration for article titled Congratulations to Stassi Schroeder, Who Just Saw a Nipple Hair for the First Timeem/em
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Human bodies come in all different shapes and sizes, but the vast majority of them have hair—and, post-puberty, hair in places other than their head. For Vanderpump Rules star Stassi Schroeder, that universal truth is only partially accurate. While paying E!’s LADYGANG a visit (apparently it’s a talk show based on a podcast where a trio of white women talk about being white women, and one of them is MySpace Queen-turned-entrepreneur Jac Vanek), Schroeder revealed that not only does she not have nipple hairs, she’s never seen them on a woman before.

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One of the hosts, Keltie Knight, introduces the conversation by informing Schroeder she “pitched this idea” where she would grow her nipple hair “to its full capabilities... plucked it and measured it for America, and they did not want that.” Presumably expecting some of her trademark wit, Stassi instead reacted by saying, “How does one even grow a nipple hair?” which lead the women to show one another their nipples so she may examine the follicles. Glee’s Becca Tobin inquired if Stassi comes from Scandinavian descent, as if that would justify a hairless titty.

The clip ends with Schroeder aghast, exclaiming, “I didn’t even know this is something that girls talk about or have! Like, I’ve never seen nipple hair on my friends, ever.” I only wish Lala Kent was there to, you know, make the bit stick, perhaps with an empowerment prayer and baby bottle in tow.

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Watch it below, if you must.

Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out now.

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DISCUSSION

EdnasEdibles
EdnasEdibles

Traumatic nipple hair moment: I have them. I thought everyone did? At a college job guys were talking about gross moments in sex and one guy was like “Oh once I slept with this girl who had nipple hairs!” and the other two guys were like “oh gross!” and made gagging noises. He said something like “So fucking gross” and there were numerous comments of “chicks with hairy chests are the fucking worst.” Being 19 and an idiot. I just was like “ha ha yeah. ha ha.” and then became a crazy nipple hair plucker. Tweezers after the shower. 

So as vapid as these women are, I do give them a small slow clap in normalizing nipple hair.