Congrats to CNN Commentator and 'Former' Trump Campaigner Corey Lewandowski On His 2 or More Jobs 

Donald Trump, a cicada husk dipped in fermenting carrot soup, has often told us that he’s very good at jobs. He’ll bring the jobs back from other places, he’ll make new jobs, huge jobs for everybody. He’s starting with Corey Lewandowski, who has like, two to four jobs. Congrats to Corey!

Lewandowski, who was fired by the Trump campaign in June, was hired by CNN as a commentator like five seconds later. That was kinda weird, considering that a nondisclosure agreement he signed may or may not have prohibited him from criticizing Trump on air. Not that he would: he’s used virtually every second of his CNN time to exult about what a great job “Mr. Trump” is doing and would have done at every point in the past decade if he’d been president.