Concerned Parent Wants to Hire 'Cool Black Kids' For Bullied Son

A bullied child is every parent’s worst nightmare, and when school meetings and disciplinary action is not enough, what’s a concerned mother or father to do? Thank god there’s Craigslist where, for the kingly sum of $15 an hour, anyone can find some “cool black kids” to meet their son at the 7/11.

It’s possible (as with everything on the internet) that this ad is fake. But its location on the “security jobs” section of New Orleans’ Craigslist subsite seems too earnest for a fake artist interested in viral fame. I mean, who doesn’t know a parent who might do something like this once they’ve reached the end of their rope? When I was getting bullied, my mom hired a “cool older kid” to drive us home after school (who ended up also being kind of a bully), so why wouldn’t some clueless parent somewhere think “Hey, you know who’s tough? Black kids. No one ever messes with them. Hmm, why not just give it a try? And if they actually become friends, I won’t have to pay them anymore. Win/win.“

Here’s the ad, which is still live, meaning that if you know any “cool black kids” or would like to write to whoever posted the ad and explain the finer points of benevolent racism, micro-aggressions and bad judgment to them, you can!

Cool black kids needed

compensation: $15 an hour +cost of expenses[pizza movies etc.]

My son is having trouble fitting in at school. He gets bullied a lot. I think if some cool black kids would hang out with him, the bullying would stop. Perhaps you casually meet him at 7/11 or stop and shop?(He doesn’t know I’m doing this)

Pay is the $15 an hour plus the expenses of your time together (movies, pizza etc.)

The best case scenario is that this is some aspiring satirist trying to flex their snark muscles, or some dude from Reddit doing a social experiment to see how people will respond. The worst case scenario (notice that this ad being fake is the best case scenario) is that this misguided parent is for real and totally willing to pay some kids to be friends with their son, which the kid will undoubtedly discover at some point (a la She’s All That ) and not be pleased and all that money the mom (or dad) saved by not going through an official agency will be spent on therapy for the child and themselves when the kid turns 18 and refuses to ever come home, even on Christmas. Especially on Christmas.

Or, and again this is not a good scenario, it can be like Love Don’t Cost a Thing, where everyone finds out and then the kid has no recourse but to move to another town and assume a new identity, that of Henrick Glazier-Pruner a youthful-looking baker going through rough times. (That would make a really good movie, actually.)

Parents take note: Regardless of the veracity of this ad, it’s an excellent example of what to never do under any circumstances. And also: Don’t be dumb and assume that black automatically means “tough.” Anyone who responds to this ad in earnest should take this parent for all the pizza they’re worth.

H/T: Uproxx

Image via Shutterstock (Image caption: Tough guys at school hanging around the locker. Great for peer-pressure communication. The BAD crowd.)