The parent company that owns Coach, a brand that boasts fine leather goods, logo bags, and Selena Gomez as brand ambassador, announced Wednesday that it will be changing its name from Coach Inc. to Tapestry.
Coach Inc. also owns Kate Spade and Stuart Weitzman, making it the preferred holding company and one stop shop for upwardly mobile professional women who like practical work purses, “fun” weekend satchels, and steps into her black suede Legends when she wants to feign empowerment.
When asked about the name change, which is an intriguing choice that makes little to no front-facing sense, chief executive Victor Luis said to the New York Times, “It’s a wonderful metaphor for what we believe in, which is individual threads of different colors all working together to create a picture.” The search for this name reportedly went on for months; after poring through thousands of names, including some that were made up, they landed on Tapestry. Tapestry. Ta-pest-ry.
“We were surprised Tapestry was still available,” Luis said. Respectfully, I do wonder—how did that surprise you?
As a name for a global fashion company, Tapestry is an interesting choice—and by interesting, I mean, confusing and slightly stupid. There are many things that are actual tapestries that, when held in comparison to Coach Inc.’s portfolio of brands, don’t make a whole lot of sense: The Unicorn Tapestries. Carole King’s debut album. This vintage tapestry bag that I found on Etsy. Yes, a tapestry is a woven cloth made of various threads that combine to form a beautiful picture or whatever; that’s a lofty goal for your holding company, sir, but it’s a really dumb name! But, like everything else in this world that upends that which you’ve always known or held dear, the change will feel like a personal affront for about two seconds and then by tomorrow, or the next day, if we’re all still alive, you’ll always think of Coach Inc., parent company to your favorite brand of shoes and handbags, as Tapestry. You’ll never remember Coach. It’ll only be Tapestry.