The trial events for the cursed Tokyo Olympics are going forward as planned and Team USA is shaping up to be an exciting group of future medalists particularly in the area of track and field. Christina Clemons, a hurdler out of Ohio State, stamped her ticket to Tokyo on Sunday and with that gave an interview which will launch a thousand earring purchases this summer. For the entirety of her 100-meter hurdles, Clemons sported earrings in the shape of bags of cool ranch Doritos matching her blue camo Adidas top. In an event that may or may not be related, PepsiCo, which manufactures Doritos, is up on the stock market Monday morning.
While dangling earrings are not the most aerodynamic accessory to wear when one is running and leaping over hurdles, Clemons effortlessly carried the mini-chip bags over the finish line, securing a bronze medal in the process. When asked how she planned to translate this win into an Olympic medal in Tokyo where she’d be facing the world’s best, Clemons, embodying the energy of the cool ranch chip bags adorning her ears, answered, “I’m the world’s best as well.”
If the marketing team at Doritos has any sense at all they are banging down this woman’s door with earrings and coordinated track outfits in every Doritos flavor known to man. We need an all-purple Spicy Sweet Chili ensemble immediately. In fact, there needs to be an entire exclusive accessory drop designed in partnership with Clemons because why the fuck not!?