It is pointless to expect anything other than tomfoolery and general wackness from Chet Hanks. Optimism feels better than its opposite, so I assumed that Chet would maybe consider either getting vaccinated or keeping his mouth shut otherwise. Unfortunately, I was wrong! Ten points to Chet and zero points to me.
On Tuesday, Haze did a little bit of acting (?) on Instagram, talking to his legions of White Boy Summer followers about the importance of getting vaccinated, in a very convincing and serious way, before hitting us all with a powerfully deployed “SIIIIIKEE.” Joke’s on you if you thought Chet Haze was gonna be a sheep and get two little shots in his arm to protect himself (eh) and others (yeah, this is what counts the most, I think)!!! Not Chet Haze! He’s a man’s man, he’s NEVER had covid! He’s not about to catch a case because his immune system is strong and robust, because he is a man, and also, he’s “tired of wearing a motherfuckin’ mask.”
Naturally, because an ego as massive as Chet’s needs to be full, he felt it necessary to reiterate his stance, in case anyone wasn’t clear on how he felt about the vaccine. His immune system is strong, he says. Aliens are real, but the vaccine is fake? His logic, of which there is very little, is incoherent, so if you feel like punching a wall, watch this.
Everything about this video is rage-inducing, and it’s not even the attitude he has about getting vaccinated—it’s the tone? Chet is every single snotty little rich twat who has free agency to act like the world exists to do his bidding; I get shades of Joe Rogan from this little rant, but something about Chet suggests that even Rogan is too mainstream for his liking. I imagine Chet pictures himself as both an iconoclast and someone who is really smart, but understands on a deeper level that for some ungodly reason, his parents, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, have yet to publicly denounce him OR disown him for being such a fucking loser! Maybe it takes a little more than this kind of crap for two famous people to text their son to ask him to just not. Or maybe they’ve tried and he’s not listening. Some unsolicited advice for Tom and Rita: Write this man out of the estate, he does not deserve that Toy Story money!!! [Page Six]
- Oh, look, Brooke Shields is on TikTok, and I can say with pleasure that this first attempt doesn’t feel that cringe. [TikTok]
- LOL, Beanie Feldstein was cast in a forthcoming revival of Funny Girl and because of that casting, Lea Michele was “trending on Twitter.” Why? Oh, well, you see “everyone” (by that I mean, her) thought that that role was HERS because her character Rachel Berry auditioned for the role on Glee, a fictional television program, and also Ryan Murphy was maybe going to do a revival of the musical after purchasing the rights sometime in 2015, and you know, if he did, it would’ve BEEN hers (maybe). Sorry! The parade, it’s been rained on. [PopCrush]
- Kanye taught Kim to be more confident... okay. [People]
- Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis have finally bathed their children. [E! News]
- Meghan Markle really, really, really wanted to go to Obama’s possibly ill-advised 60th birthday kegger on the Vineyahd, according to the Sun’s snippy little source, but apparently, Harry and Meghan “didn’t even make the cut.” [Page Six]
- If you make it all the way to the bottom of this listicle featuring photos of Drake’s son, Adonis, you will be rewarded with a cute photo of the lil’ man eating a sandwich and wearing tiny Nikes. [Us Weekly]